Wish Me Well

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Wish me well is the phrase I beg to hear from the right soul. I want all in my life to see and understand we are all not the same. Individuals as we are seem to mimic ourselves to one another. Since it worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for me. Or it is not what I want for my life at all. This is what plays through my head as I listen to the advice from the man who tells me to keep my head down and work hard. Then I can save up for all the material things in the world I want. I can live the “American Dream” he so Bodley states in my direction. I need him to see that my soul does not crave what his does. She needs nothing more than to connect to the world through learning and helping. No university can teach her what she needs to know. I put no one else’s choices or paths down. I just know that mine is different then the “preacher” in front of my face.

Telling my friends and my family I will not be attending certain things in their life is a rough concept for both of us. Writing about it I can hold in the reality of it and imagine just what it will be like when my first far away Christmas is. What emotions will rush over me and what will I turn to keep my spirit alive. The freedom from daily life,I thought,would be enough for awhile to satisfy my free spirit. Work away and get experience…cultural experience.
-learn a new language
-meet new people
-explore the most beautiful country
-meet people like me
….
Not offending where I am in the world but it is very challenging to talk about my plans to individuals here.

Mixed reviews in my opinion.

Some look at me like I am crazy to leave the normal stable “productive worker” :
( I see it as “working dead” )

What I love the most is meeting a grown traveler,so to speak. I run into them like divine intervention. The way they talk is so cultured. They are open minded souls who see me as they were and they push me to go for it. I could ramble words of encouragement from more strangers then I have from my family. What matters most to me is how I feel about all of this. How my spirit has been lifted into something I cannot explain yet I see perfectly. I know I am lost in the right direction. I can see it in the fellow travelers….

They have a look in their eye.

I want that look
In my eyes.

Curiosity

I told myself to write my findings through this process of what might be the biggest epiphany of my life. I told myself not to let the negatives and rainy days with no sunshine set me back from where I want to be. You only have this life so why sit and day dream at the same normal repetitious job? one thing comes to mind.Fear. I can’t let it be me. I don’t believe I was put on this earth to help someone pay off their dream 5 days a week while I put most of mine on the sidelines and fit them in when I can. I just don’t believe that. I do believe that I am tested daily and everything I have done, am doing or will do are stepping stones. I’m looking for more convenient ways to make money on my off days. Etsy and Ebay have been a big help in my travel fund so far. I had a panic attack the other day making my checklist to pack up and leave the country in basically 9 months. Selling everything and saving for visa’s, passport, plane tickets and goodness knows what else. I read travelers blogs and advice columns about working holidays and backpackers, while my mind runs wild with ideas of New Zealand, Costa Rica, & Australia.

As I get ready in my bathroom I wonder what ill have to resort to calling home for minimum of two weeks maximum of who knows. What comforts of my home will I be leaving and never coming back to. This house and life I have now is beautiful. I have two roommates I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without. We share a dog named Nullah who is just the joy in our hearts. I have a work life where I forget to clock in. I walk in the door and instantly start hugging everyone like I havn’t seen them in months. It’s easy to get through the day when I am surrounded by such love. Lately a voice in the back of my head has been telling me to distance myself from everyone I love and even the ones I live with. Prepare myself for what is to come is how I feel. Don’t get used to me being around. Skype me, facebook me, maybe even call me but I will be the empty seat at holidays for awhile. While life goes on for my loved ones my life is being explored and turned upside down to shake around that inspiration and imagination. My writing is influenced by what I see, what I feel and how I pull everything apart to connect things in the end.

It has become stagnant in my opinion. I cannot stay in a place where I live in an import town by the Mississippi River with the usual fast food chains, bars , corporate store. Even worse I want to decide what I want to do with my life and who I want to be not have a bubbled society and factory made towns cloud my dreams and curiosity with going to college at a certain age. Kids at a certain age,Marriage,Mortgage…blah blah blah! I am 23 years old and I have lived a very blessed life. ” Everyone has a story” ,THEY say. I have made mistakes , lived with regrets and learned some lessons along the way. I realize the more I know , the more I don’t know anything , and I want to know more. Everyone longs to hear 3 words and let them fuel them through wherever their path may take them. “I Love You.” I’ve been in love with the three words that were spoken to me years ago.

 

“I Want More.”

     I have gypsy blood a psychic told me and I couldn’t agree more. I’m a bird who wants to take flight!! I have a couple hoops to jump through before I am standing at my first airport but it is all worth it. I posted the selling of my personal belongings on my facebook. Everything seems more real each day I wake up a another day away from saying goodbye to my old life and hello to my epiphany. My world, My truth, My Life. A dear friend once wrote to me… ” I’m lost in the curiousness you live and breath…My dear I am lost in the curiousness I live and breath.

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I Want More

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I choose to live

Well I’ve decided to start my travel fund. Not just a work at the same job, save up money, go for a vacation then come back and plan a new sense of adventure to fantasize about to get me through the next couple months. My spirit needs something…so much more. I say it to myself as a realization everyday even though I continue to deny myself the truth. It seeps through; I Want More.

More Options.
More knowledge.

More Music
More Adventure.

More Work.

More.

More.
More.
Is this world my oyster?
Can I set out and live free?
Is the world kind enough to let me?

So long I have dark thoughts and fears that have almost submersed my soul into a submissive state. I admit to disassociating and daydreaming of what if’s and could’ve been. I feel I have daily realizations and this one I’ve been hit with lately is a doozie. Can I call you an Epiphany?
Could this sense of feeling !so right! Be the path I’ve been waiting for?

I ask myself so many questions but admit I don’t answer most of them. I want to live an recap later. Writing an documenting from these starting thoughts. Some thing’s might not need to be shared. I plan on crossing the line and knocking MYSELF down a peg or two. Opening my eyes and my mind to what this world and God has planned for me. I wake up feeling like I’m truly planning a purpose.

The greatest journey
of my life is
about to begin.

This is my  Anthem to get me through it. Can you feel it when the beat hits you. Close your eyes and listen…

This is the Beginning…Songbird…Rebirth…

When I let myself realize what I’m leaving behind I try to understand just how much time is against me on planning the next 6-9 months of my life. To start I have created this blog and a very simple yet humbling page (asiruniritechyly.com) (About- the truth was written on my wrist )Rambling what’s been going through my mind with all the sense of change I’m about to take in.

I’m auctioning my belongings on eBay and other sites and saving up for my travel fund. What I can keep I shall store in my backpack and the rest are memories I keep and memories to be made.

The starting process of this is compared to… Making a
Mountain.
Out of a Molehill.

I’m registering to sites to sell these belongings and working at my lovely server position. While hoarding a tax return meant for a car but who needs a car when you can just rent a car, rideshare, or remember the good lord gave you two working feet to put down on this ground everyday.

If I were to say I wasn’t nervous I would be lying. I’m terrified!!!! I have worldly fears and I’ve watched too much lifetime and CNN to clog my mind with a mugging scene as I walk out my front door. However the bigger fear of mine is to be sitting in a chair being a 90 year old women looking back on her life with a bunch of regrets. Not experiencing, never truly living and always giving into the belief that your life should be lived a certain way. College a certain age. Marriage by a certain age. Children by a certain age. This is my life. Only God can judge me and be there for me at all times. Only he knows what is in store for me and what is pulsing through my veins as I write these words to …. (Whoever chose to read this…thanks!)

Is this what I’ve been waiting for?
Is this my epiphany?
I keep looking down at my wrist
And rereading…
The truth is undeniable.

 

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