123456 — 654321

If I saw a loss

Is the loss pouring

out of you ?

Hands shaking

People who once loved

Are now just fighting and taking

.

.

Maybe it’s best to not know this you

You’ve worked so hard

But does it mean what you’ve

Worked for was the greener pasture

You were supposed to water all along ?

Any “lessons learned”coming along?

.

.

How long do you stand on the wrong lawn?

How long until you just let go

And realize you are just

Digging in the wrong direction

How many seeds lay waste ?

Over watered —

Never develop taste

You keep going deeper

Into all the wrong places

You keep going deeper

Like this is where you can hide

All your faces

Hide you can

But you know this isn’t right

All your trinkets being taken from you?

Finding out that marital bliss

Just means half of all MY shit ?

Bring nothing to the table

Then leaving with my passions ?

.

.

I believe divorce is a trauma

Most people feel embarrassed

Like a failure

Broken

Emotionally

Financially

Family

It’s all pieces on the floor

A part of this life we wish

We could let go

.

.

I see so many different things

Most importantly

I see no need for a ring

123456

Time and battery charge

Falling in line as I

Write down these visions

My mind is acting out for me

I’m sitting her at work &

The sight doesn’t leave me be

.

.

If this isn’t you then I

Hope you find your own cue

I can’t see anyone’s faces

Just recognize the energy

Feels recycled —-tainted —

.

Break it down

My iambic fuse

.

.

Sirens blaring

Find a muse

Kingdom taring

Sing the blues

Back away

I have nothing to lose

An afterthought

I’m so confused

.

.

.

Start writing

Burn the book

Stare too long

Or take a second look

I see you mad hatter

I dare you

Let this shatter

.

.

Find yourself

No one else matters

.

.

.

I pray for you

Whoever you are

I send you light

You are never that far

.

.

12:45 PM

4-5-21

Hemi – Sync

I talk to you

A lot in

my head

Yet I know

I shouldn’t

Pick up my phone

.

If I get brave enough to

Look at your name

I shut myself down

I can’t have a moment

Like that again

You don’t need

me to crack

Your skull open

And show you

The truth of

What you’ve

been hiding in

.

.

Start your day

With a clean slate

“Helps make every day feel brand new”

.

.

Flip a token

To see what side

Of yourself

You’ll choose today

Don’t look in the mirror

It’s easier that way

.

.

I talk to you a lot

In my head

Something I

Don’t recommend

Admitting right now

.

.

It comes natural

Until you want to

Talk about something

I don’t

It comes natural

Till you pull the wrong

String ; I won’t

I can’t sing

Can’t write

My throat is raw

From yelling at myself

I don’t want to visit

This side of my head

.

.

If I asked you to

Close your eyes

And touch the

Part of your brain

That lights up

When I come to mind

I bet it would

Scare you everytime

Not just one location

I come to find

.

.

I hope you know

I don’t feel like

Picking up my phone

My chest feels constricted

Can’t breath the way I like to

Right now thinking of you

Just a subtle heartbeat

Can’t get through the thick fog

Around you ; the pollution

Is too loud

.

.

I see vices

False niceness

Comfort zone

Sacrifices

Happy ….

Happy life

.

.

Being human is weird

I’m sure being a man is worse

All this pressure on your shoulders

To be a provider , believe that a better

Version of yourself is built by

Sacrificing who you are to someone else

.

Dark night of the soul

Is the only way through

I promise your authentic self

Wont let you ignore this pull

If this was the end then your

Pearl Jam song would be playing loud

I don’t hear the bells ringing or

The End coming for you

But I can assure you it

Wont be me snapping my fingers

Bringing you back on cue

But I see you

Don’t worry friend

I couldn’t stop if I tried

.

You come to mine

Too many times

.

.

Comedically I picture

Your name entering

The left side of my brain

Deciphering where it should

store this lovely being

The security is weak on that side

The bouncer said your name is on the list

Every-time

I’m dancing on the right side

Spinning in circles , dancing

Pantomime

.

.

.

Drifting through Oklahoma

2/8/21

9:29 am

9:44 am

10:01 am

Dark Whispers —— I Won’t Follow

The whispers

Are coming again

Coming from a distance

I know they want to

Seep in

I’m stuck on a problem

My wheels spinning

On just one thing

That could take

My soul within

.

.

They are coming

They approach

From the ground

Powerful they seem

With no camouflage

I gleam

Here I sit

I start to sing

.

.

I know you are

Coming for me

I can see it in

My minds dreams

I know you

Are coming for me

Whispering screams

.

Lead me astray

Follow a path

Hell bent

On decay

Dead butterflies

Lead the way

.

Together they’ve

Come to face me

Upfront

I tap my head

To disperse them

Even though I am

The hunt

I forget to tell you

I’m stronger than

You think

I forget to tell you

I will not live like

This again

.

.

“You are not worthy

Of love

Not worthy of light

Come sit in the

Darkness

We are your delight

You cannot fight us

The darkness will

Always fight

We will come and find

You right when you

Feel the light

You’ll be halfway up

A wall & we will

crash it down

You’ll fall

We are the truth

The darkness

Coming after you”

.

I am not enough

I do not deserve love

That is what they tell me

.

These Whispers used to

Soothe me now

They’ve turned

Against me

Coming to test me

I cannot fear

What is inside

Of me

.

.

.

I’d rather eat them

When they taunt me

Transmute & even flow

.

A monarch butterfly

I must grow

.

You don’t know

Me anymore darkness

I’ve had to let you go

.

.

6:58 AM

6: 31 PM

7:02 PM

“Read My Mind”

Woke up

&

I remember

I saw you

I lay there

& wonder

What you were

Telling me to do

.

.

Come close

Too close

Smiles show

Embrace me

Far past regret

I saw that

demented smile

Again

.

.

Blinking in a dream

another time approaches

Shows me old houses

Old rooms

Hair long

Like old times

Forgot my life

When I came to

Who is this man

My dream tells me

To look into

I watch myself

Follow this path

I play rewind

There you are

In dreamscape land

.

.

Blink

Present time

Present house

This is mine

I see you laying

On the floor

Crawl between

Now heavens a blur

My head is spinning

The feeling still there

Close my eyes

You continue to stare

Reality is coming quick

Tell me what you

Want me to know

I know I’m

laying too

Close to you

Tell me before I go

.

.

You lean in

As close as I want you to

Wrapped around me

Eyes meet

I’m so alive

Look what you

Made me do

.

.

Your lips move

“Read my mind”

.

Dream chy

Closes her eyes

In your arms

alarm sounds

I disappear everytime.

.

.

.

3:19 PM

3:37 PM

1/13/2021

Through the breath ——- comes the energy

Im looking for you

Plugging my ears

To hear where you are

.

.

Closing my eyes

To see you so far

Inhale

Listen close

Exhale

I feel like a ghost

I need to sit down

Find the energy again

.

.

.

Have you left

The enemy yet?

Haven’t craved yourself

Enough yet?

.

I need a place for my head

.

.

Don’t want you to

Take the best of me

Loneliness has

This tongue again

Slithering

Slithering

Constriction begins

I guess that’s what

Happens when

Your conflicted again

.

.

Finding myself

Gets harder

Everytime

I’m getting better

At hiding

Can’t be up in

The clouds the whole time

I’ve got a life to live

Can’t always confide

.

.

I’m searching for you

Cheyenne’s missing

Peek-A-Boo

Hidden away from

The blue

Words won’t

Come out

Too easy to

Misconstrue

.

.

Just better to

Put my head

Down , push

On through

Shit

What did I do?

.

.

.

Through the breath

Comes the energy

Again

.

.

Through the breath

Comes the energy

My friend.

12/8/20

8:41PM

Channeling with Strangers

Spoke with a psychic

Lastnight

She reached out to me

Told me spirit wouldn’t

Let her be

Told me you

Are all around me

If I could see this energy

What would the colours be?

.

.

.

Spoke with a psychic

Lastnight

She told me everything

Wasn’t alright

Hot and cold

This game gets old

Part of the story

I continue to be told

.

.

.

Meaningless

&

Unfulfilled

Comes from

Her lips

Low vibes

No light

Tell me who

It is you miss?

.

.

I understand

Life is busy

Can’t find a level stance

Unbalanced

Ungrounded

Need solitude

Need your rest

.

.

.

I spoke to a psychic

Lastnight

She promised

Everything would be

Alright

Asked if I knew

My crown was tilted

Not firing right

I told her I can’t

Feel my heartbeat

I miss it

I can’t feel

My guard is up

I’m inside myself again

Can’t comprehend

What my world is doing

I want to feel my heart beat

Against my chest again

I never want that feeling

To go away

I need to feel myself again

I’m so far away from her

I’m trying to come back

I’m trying to connect

Keep getting lost

With people who

Are just foes

I see right through this

Karmic mess

Here I am

Documenting

What I won’t confess

Here I go

Back to the wrong show

There are no musicians here

No art to compare

.

.

Here I am

Stardust in a suit

Staring at my hands

She said I have a

Long life to live

.

.

All I can do is exhale

All I can do is call out

Life guide

Life line

Help me purify

This divide

Help me find balance

Inside of me

Head in the clouds

Hands searching for

The right mudra

Heart space come back to me

Heart beat come face me

.

.

.

11:35 AM

10/16/2020

Wishing Well

What a perfect pit

Of forgetfulness

I was gifted

To lay my demons with

.

.

I can throw anything

I want down this

Wishing well

It echos all my

Wishes and all

Of my woes

.

.

Throwing a quarter

I hear it drop all

the way down

Throwing a memory

How far till it drowns

.

.

I guess in the end

You are my safe place

Coming and going

I look through this space

Closing my eyes

Your the sound

In the bass

.

.

I could stare down

This well forever

Hello

.

.

Hello

.

.

Echo

Echo

.

.

.

.

What a perfect pit

Of forgetfulness

I’ve left my demons with

He has the key

only I remember

Where I went

And laid me

.

.

I know in your chest

Where this company

Stays

I know in your brain

Where my secret

It lays

.

.

Miles apart

Wouldn’t matter

Where you are

.

.

It was Proven

to me

Physical body

Isn’t all there

Is to be

I remember

Sharing frequencies

With me

I remember confiding

Daringly

I sit on my well

Spouting my tell

Stare down my well

Come echo

Come spell

I know what is

Down there

Do you care to tell?

I know what is

down there

I visit so well

.

.

Hey wishing well

You’ve always been enough

Hey wishing well

Thank you so much

What would I do

If I didn’t have you

Who would I be

If it wasn’t you and me

.

.

Here comes

another quarter

I toss it down below

Keep my secrets

I’ll come back

I’m the only one

Who can open

that door

9:51 PM

9/5/20

I was thinking 🌗

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Can’t do it anymore

I had so much fun

With you lastnight

But I saw who you were

Can’t look past these

Blocks you choose

.

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Makes me sad

Thought we were close

.

.

.

I had so much

fun with you

But I can’t stand

What you choose

.

.

.

My friend

My friend

I knew it would end

My friend

My friend

Don’t need you

Won’t bend

My friend

My friend

Thank you for

This time

We’ve had

It’s only been

Two years

And I can’t count

All the ways

I’ve processed

Your tears

.

.

It’s so hard

To be friends

With me

I’ll give and I’ll give

Until I confess

That you just take

It’s not your intention

But no boundaries

shine a ray

.

.

My energy is low

When I am in

Your presence

My friend

I was there for you

I watched you

Process 20 years

Of grief through me

I let you do it

So effortlessly

I’ll ground your pain

It’s what I usually do

I see you now

You don’t need me

No clue

My friend

My friend

I am growing away

My friend

My friend

Won’t come back

One day

I’ve done this

Before

Scattered friends

Near and far

I am so empty when

You take from me

All of you

Never replace my energy

Dear lord

Dear lord

Will I ever find a friend

Who sends back

Their energy from within

.

.

.

I know I’ve felt it before

I was 19 and so very low

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

About leaving you

Didn’t like the conversation

You made me sit through

.

.

Hey

I think I’m gonna leave you

Let time run it’s course

Let God do his chores

Removing the people

Who don’t help me grow

.

.

So many • chords •

Stuck to me

Need to cut them

Before I can’t breath

Let you feel

Your disease

.

.

I wish I felt sorry

For feeling this way

But Hey I love you

In every single way

.

.

I let go

Acknowledge the truth

Send my pain to the

Ground below

Lift my head up

It’s the end of the show

Hey

I’m leaving you today.

1:33 PM

2:12 PM

8/9/20

Vulnerable

Be vulnerable with me

I won’t hate who you are

.

.

.

Breath with me

Give me who you are

I won’t make you feel bad

For the things you want

I won’t make you think

You are less

For what you

won’t flaunt

.

.

.

Tell me the truth

In writing

In words that have

Been stuck for years

.

.

Flow with me

In this endless dance

You always hold back

The tears

.

.

I can heal you

Like I’ve healed myself

I can show you

What you won’t confess

A longing

A nurture

A sweet loves

Caress

.

.

Come on

Confess

Confess

.

.

.

Bring your mind to me

Lay it inside of me

I’ll keep it forever

Like I already have

I’ll keep you forever

You know that I have

.

.

I am nothing to fear

No pedestal here

Take me down from there

I’m standing right here

.

.

It’s okay

I confess

I could never

love you less

It’s okay

I confess

You have never

Been a mess

.

.

Let’s confess

Let’s confess

I’ll be vulnerable too

Come show me a visual

Of the hell you’ve been through

.

.

Kiss my forehead

My hand

And my ass

Come play with me

I’ll take off my mask

.

.

only for you

The voice is so true

Only for you

I won’t shuffle

You through

.

.

.

Start writing

Keep fighting

No failure

You are going

Through

.

.

This fence hurts

Pull up my skirts

And show me

Who you are

.

.

Be vulnerable with me

Tell me the truth

Please let me see

Everything you’ve

Been hiding from me

.

.

.

12:26 AM

7/27/20

Heartless Clogged Facade

Why is there

A longing for more?

More credit

More clothes

More empty items

To never expose

Such a gaping (w)hole

.

.

It’s a trap

All the commercials

Credit cards

Campaigns

It’s an addiction

Something that drove me

To the mundane

.

.

Keeping up with the jones

Turning myself into

A step-ford for about

10 hours a day

.

.

I couldn’t keep up

The facade

I was fading away

Nobody saw me

I just kept up

With the applause

Living a lie

And denying

The withdrawal

.

.

I have to sell everything

That has put me in this

Mess , sat down

Wrote down my debt

I was astonished

The hole I had dug

25k is something

I didn’t expect to get

A fixed rate love

Nothing coming from above

My own hell created

With a new wardrobe

& gloves

.

.

A thrift store find

Leading to credit card

Scores decline

Paying my bills

On time

But still never

Feeling truly alive

I can’t stand the

Rat race

.

.

I wish God

Would come

& make us face

What we have done

To his beautiful Earth

What we have killed

Denying his truth

Most of the wealth

Goes to suppressing

What helps

.

.

Most of the wealth

Goes to ensuring

Middle classes death

But don’t worry

He’s coming

.

.

So pay back that interest

Grab that new car

And drive that

Fucker far

.

.

When you get to

The mountains

Go stand up on top

Fall to your knees

And say Lord

Let me breath

.

.

I see myself clearly

I am a fool to believe

Plastic is entrapment

& marketing so vein

Making me feel

I’m not good enough

Unless I play the credit

Card game

.

.

I have so much

To pay back

Pay off & prove

But what does it matter

When I’m the only

One that will lose

.

.

No better interest rate

For my 800 score sake

No deeper connection

In my unshaken faith

.

.

Is God and money

Really connected like

They say

Kill me now

If this is all

Our fates

.

.

We’re ran by the unseen

Most walking around

At this point

No ones hands are clean

.

.

We ‘re tied to the chain

Of the industry of things

Filling it endlessly

Until one day

They say we are the kings

.

.

But the only king

Is the Almighty himself

And we cannot take

These possession

When we fall to our hell

.

.

When I stand before him

I am terrified of my sin

These things I was talked into

By friends and relatives remain

.

.

Come this way

They’ll give you a great deal

Fast track

First class

VIP for an exchange

A salesman was once

A kind man

.

.

Distorted by the pipers toll

There is nothing we can

Do now but wait for the

True End Times come full

.

.

Watch the stock market crash

And wonder where do we go

.

.

I clear myself for heaven

And the rewards that hang below

Grounding myself lightly

And going with my flow

.

.

I was apart of the pay off

A whistleblower now

I’ll rock the boat

Excessively

Till you run to me

And ask me how

.

.

I mean no harm

To you or me

My true intent

Is for us to be set free

.

.

Take off these chains

That God didn’t place

Run away from the salesman

Who claims he’s great

.

.

Clear your mind

Find what is unkind

Bind it right

Never let it get out alive

.

.

Purify yourself

And no opposing

Will find you

.

.

Devil Angel

Has your back

Write down your goals

Make a plan away

From marketing mayhem

.

.

Find yourself

And never let go

You are not your job

Your house

Or your car

You can’t take it with you

So why don’t you just let it go?

2:01 pm

July 4,2019

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