123456 — 654321

If I saw a loss

Is the loss pouring

out of you ?

Hands shaking

People who once loved

Are now just fighting and taking

.

.

Maybe it’s best to not know this you

You’ve worked so hard

But does it mean what you’ve

Worked for was the greener pasture

You were supposed to water all along ?

Any “lessons learned”coming along?

.

.

How long do you stand on the wrong lawn?

How long until you just let go

And realize you are just

Digging in the wrong direction

How many seeds lay waste ?

Over watered —

Never develop taste

You keep going deeper

Into all the wrong places

You keep going deeper

Like this is where you can hide

All your faces

Hide you can

But you know this isn’t right

All your trinkets being taken from you?

Finding out that marital bliss

Just means half of all MY shit ?

Bring nothing to the table

Then leaving with my passions ?

.

.

I believe divorce is a trauma

Most people feel embarrassed

Like a failure

Broken

Emotionally

Financially

Family

It’s all pieces on the floor

A part of this life we wish

We could let go

.

.

I see so many different things

Most importantly

I see no need for a ring

123456

Time and battery charge

Falling in line as I

Write down these visions

My mind is acting out for me

I’m sitting her at work &

The sight doesn’t leave me be

.

.

If this isn’t you then I

Hope you find your own cue

I can’t see anyone’s faces

Just recognize the energy

Feels recycled —-tainted —

.

Break it down

My iambic fuse

.

.

Sirens blaring

Find a muse

Kingdom taring

Sing the blues

Back away

I have nothing to lose

An afterthought

I’m so confused

.

.

.

Start writing

Burn the book

Stare too long

Or take a second look

I see you mad hatter

I dare you

Let this shatter

.

.

Find yourself

No one else matters

.

.

.

I pray for you

Whoever you are

I send you light

You are never that far

.

.

12:45 PM

4-5-21

Hemi – Sync

I talk to you

A lot in

my head

Yet I know

I shouldn’t

Pick up my phone

.

If I get brave enough to

Look at your name

I shut myself down

I can’t have a moment

Like that again

You don’t need

me to crack

Your skull open

And show you

The truth of

What you’ve

been hiding in

.

.

Start your day

With a clean slate

“Helps make every day feel brand new”

.

.

Flip a token

To see what side

Of yourself

You’ll choose today

Don’t look in the mirror

It’s easier that way

.

.

I talk to you a lot

In my head

Something I

Don’t recommend

Admitting right now

.

.

It comes natural

Until you want to

Talk about something

I don’t

It comes natural

Till you pull the wrong

String ; I won’t

I can’t sing

Can’t write

My throat is raw

From yelling at myself

I don’t want to visit

This side of my head

.

.

If I asked you to

Close your eyes

And touch the

Part of your brain

That lights up

When I come to mind

I bet it would

Scare you everytime

Not just one location

I come to find

.

.

I hope you know

I don’t feel like

Picking up my phone

My chest feels constricted

Can’t breath the way I like to

Right now thinking of you

Just a subtle heartbeat

Can’t get through the thick fog

Around you ; the pollution

Is too loud

.

.

I see vices

False niceness

Comfort zone

Sacrifices

Happy ….

Happy life

.

.

Being human is weird

I’m sure being a man is worse

All this pressure on your shoulders

To be a provider , believe that a better

Version of yourself is built by

Sacrificing who you are to someone else

.

Dark night of the soul

Is the only way through

I promise your authentic self

Wont let you ignore this pull

If this was the end then your

Pearl Jam song would be playing loud

I don’t hear the bells ringing or

The End coming for you

But I can assure you it

Wont be me snapping my fingers

Bringing you back on cue

But I see you

Don’t worry friend

I couldn’t stop if I tried

.

You come to mine

Too many times

.

.

Comedically I picture

Your name entering

The left side of my brain

Deciphering where it should

store this lovely being

The security is weak on that side

The bouncer said your name is on the list

Every-time

I’m dancing on the right side

Spinning in circles , dancing

Pantomime

.

.

.

Drifting through Oklahoma

2/8/21

9:29 am

9:44 am

10:01 am

Through the breath ——- comes the energy

Im looking for you

Plugging my ears

To hear where you are

.

.

Closing my eyes

To see you so far

Inhale

Listen close

Exhale

I feel like a ghost

I need to sit down

Find the energy again

.

.

.

Have you left

The enemy yet?

Haven’t craved yourself

Enough yet?

.

I need a place for my head

.

.

Don’t want you to

Take the best of me

Loneliness has

This tongue again

Slithering

Slithering

Constriction begins

I guess that’s what

Happens when

Your conflicted again

.

.

Finding myself

Gets harder

Everytime

I’m getting better

At hiding

Can’t be up in

The clouds the whole time

I’ve got a life to live

Can’t always confide

.

.

I’m searching for you

Cheyenne’s missing

Peek-A-Boo

Hidden away from

The blue

Words won’t

Come out

Too easy to

Misconstrue

.

.

Just better to

Put my head

Down , push

On through

Shit

What did I do?

.

.

.

Through the breath

Comes the energy

Again

.

.

Through the breath

Comes the energy

My friend.

12/8/20

8:41PM

A Yearn Untamed

I struggle to

Stay connected

To a part of

Myself

The part of myself

I love the most

I’m a ghost

Your a ghost

.

.

Boo

.

I yearn to confide

Inside myself

Be alone &

Fix this

Ocean of

Loneliness

I swim in

I’m terrified of

Water but here I

Am flowing with

The rip tide

Scared I

Might die

It’s getting deeper

Flowing faster

If I fight the current

I’ll drown

I’ve already done

This before

I have to crash

With the waves

Here I go

If this were

Easy it would

Be no fun

No lesson to

Learn

Go back to

The comfort zone

Lay there &

Remember

This isn’t where

You want to be

A coward you

Chose the lion

Suit again

I am OZ

I told you

It’s in you

All along

.

.

Lonely

Lonely

I continuously

Defend

Go back

Go back

.

.

A yearn untamed

Makes me

Disassociate

I’m in love

With you

I’m in love

With this

Vision

I’m closing

My eyes &

Living in

I told you

To go

You stay

As above

So Below

.

.

11:14 AM

11/04/2020

Channeling with Strangers

Spoke with a psychic

Lastnight

She reached out to me

Told me spirit wouldn’t

Let her be

Told me you

Are all around me

If I could see this energy

What would the colours be?

.

.

.

Spoke with a psychic

Lastnight

She told me everything

Wasn’t alright

Hot and cold

This game gets old

Part of the story

I continue to be told

.

.

.

Meaningless

&

Unfulfilled

Comes from

Her lips

Low vibes

No light

Tell me who

It is you miss?

.

.

I understand

Life is busy

Can’t find a level stance

Unbalanced

Ungrounded

Need solitude

Need your rest

.

.

.

I spoke to a psychic

Lastnight

She promised

Everything would be

Alright

Asked if I knew

My crown was tilted

Not firing right

I told her I can’t

Feel my heartbeat

I miss it

I can’t feel

My guard is up

I’m inside myself again

Can’t comprehend

What my world is doing

I want to feel my heart beat

Against my chest again

I never want that feeling

To go away

I need to feel myself again

I’m so far away from her

I’m trying to come back

I’m trying to connect

Keep getting lost

With people who

Are just foes

I see right through this

Karmic mess

Here I am

Documenting

What I won’t confess

Here I go

Back to the wrong show

There are no musicians here

No art to compare

.

.

Here I am

Stardust in a suit

Staring at my hands

She said I have a

Long life to live

.

.

All I can do is exhale

All I can do is call out

Life guide

Life line

Help me purify

This divide

Help me find balance

Inside of me

Head in the clouds

Hands searching for

The right mudra

Heart space come back to me

Heart beat come face me

.

.

.

11:35 AM

10/16/2020

Be-You-Tiful You-Niverse

Well would you

Look at that

It was in us all along

This is my life

Our plane

My soul

Lessons

games

No “better than “here”

Where are we anyway?

Floating in space

Not even a base

Just rotating

Slowly fading

.

.

Ever think of why words

Are s-p-e-l-l-e-d 🧙🏻‍♀️

Manifested one letter at a time

Pondering where thoughts

Come from when it has been

The borrowed light within

All along

.

.

Be – you -tiful

He wrote

You-niverse she saw

What funny synchronicites

That continuously connect us all

.

.

I feel like I broke my view

Can’t stay in one

World anymore

So many beautiful

Things flying around us

No one sees this

But scattered souls

Destined to have

Found us

.

I hold this all so close

To my chest

The only thing your holding

To your chest is a pile of cards

Dumb founded when you’ve

Gone too far

.

Oh I did it again

.

.

Better and better

The music man plays

Clearer and clearer

The old soul sings

We tuck different things

Into our chest

I don’t have armor

It’s unconditional love

Red rover

Red rover

Won’t you come on over

Chauffeur

Me through this

Plane we are blessed

To breath

.

.

Can’t believe it was

In us this whole time

Look at my hands

Still have youth

I suppose

Not dead

I refuse

I’ve found this

overwhelming flow

Ever flowing glow

Don’t need this

Earthly ambien again

.

Remember

Remember

It’s the only way

This will end

Remember

Remember

Learn this lesson

Again

Over and over

Let’s play pretend

We don’t know the

Definition of

Karma again

Continue away from

The meaningless

Progression

Can I

Wake up?

Or shall I lay here again ?

Come back “ play the game“

Forget again

Come back to

Karma & Epiphany

Again

Tattoo it on your wrists

So you don’t slice them again

Come back to the good & evil again

Tattoo them so he doesn’t mark your skin

Fight for yourself

Your worth the soul within

Fight for yourself

“ Your enough “

In the end.

.

.

.

.

.

10:38 PM

1:37 AM

9-4-20

I was thinking 🌗

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Can’t do it anymore

I had so much fun

With you lastnight

But I saw who you were

Can’t look past these

Blocks you choose

.

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Makes me sad

Thought we were close

.

.

.

I had so much

fun with you

But I can’t stand

What you choose

.

.

.

My friend

My friend

I knew it would end

My friend

My friend

Don’t need you

Won’t bend

My friend

My friend

Thank you for

This time

We’ve had

It’s only been

Two years

And I can’t count

All the ways

I’ve processed

Your tears

.

.

It’s so hard

To be friends

With me

I’ll give and I’ll give

Until I confess

That you just take

It’s not your intention

But no boundaries

shine a ray

.

.

My energy is low

When I am in

Your presence

My friend

I was there for you

I watched you

Process 20 years

Of grief through me

I let you do it

So effortlessly

I’ll ground your pain

It’s what I usually do

I see you now

You don’t need me

No clue

My friend

My friend

I am growing away

My friend

My friend

Won’t come back

One day

I’ve done this

Before

Scattered friends

Near and far

I am so empty when

You take from me

All of you

Never replace my energy

Dear lord

Dear lord

Will I ever find a friend

Who sends back

Their energy from within

.

.

.

I know I’ve felt it before

I was 19 and so very low

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

About leaving you

Didn’t like the conversation

You made me sit through

.

.

Hey

I think I’m gonna leave you

Let time run it’s course

Let God do his chores

Removing the people

Who don’t help me grow

.

.

So many • chords •

Stuck to me

Need to cut them

Before I can’t breath

Let you feel

Your disease

.

.

I wish I felt sorry

For feeling this way

But Hey I love you

In every single way

.

.

I let go

Acknowledge the truth

Send my pain to the

Ground below

Lift my head up

It’s the end of the show

Hey

I’m leaving you today.

1:33 PM

2:12 PM

8/9/20

Karmic Konfection

Another day

Another dollar

I guess that’s what

They used to say

I find myself in

More money than

When I hustled

All 7 days

Funny how life feels

When you let go

I never had control

Just anxiety

Anyways

I’m not giving up

I’m just realizing

The anxiety route

Isn’t the way to go

I have nothing to prove

Only want to live

I have nothing to prove

I’m backing away from

This one way give

Curiosity has got

Me taking another

Direction

Taking my time

In this karmic confection

I believe I’m getting a

Do over

My mind isn’t overcome

With fear

I found a way to

Talk to her

Be a friend

More to her than

To anyone else

I say things like

You good chy?

Getting a little tired?

I check in with me

And just for a second

Fuck everyone else

I know I’m a giver

I’ll give until my

lungs run out

It’s easy to take

advantage of me

I’m banking on the

Light I see in you

Not to burn out

Is it my fault

I believe karma

Will see us through?

I don’t want to be a

Shitty person

I want to leave you

Better than I found you

Why couldn’t I have started

Out like that?

I guess I used to ask myself

“Why is this happening to me”

It sends out a boomerang of desperate

Energy

I Observed others happiness

Like it was an impossible asana

.

.

Now I have flipped

I am the light

I say

“Why is this happening for me?”

I never give my mind

Statements

Just continuous questions

I have a constant conversation

With myself ; day in / day out

I take responsibility for my

Energy

How happy I am

I did that

When I get low

I got my back

It’s really dark out here

I used to look for a light

It’s really dark out here

But I’m the fucking

Flashlight

I take responsibility

For my energy

I take responsibility

For the ones God sends to me

“Leave them better than what you

Found them “ but don’t lose yourself

Trying to save just one

So if it’s a hello

I hope you find the time to say

Hello back

No strings attached

If it’s a marriage your

Waiting to watch the

Eb and flow

Goodluck

A man made concept

Has no use in the spirit world

Such guilt those vows

Can bring

In the end it’s just a

Man made pain

Truly meant to bind

Materialistic things

For better or worse doesn’t

Mean my soul for your happiness

I can’t live without myself

For better or worse doesn’t mean

I have to pay for everything

I can’t help but be a little pissed at

These stupid rings

What has it done to us

Sometimes this just stings

Another day

Another dollar

One day there

Won’t be anything

But The Father

So I sit well with myself

I continue to confess

I am not less

I am not my job

I am not my things

I am not your soul

You have to stand on

Your own

This marriage did not

Combine us

The way you choose to see

This marriage did not bind us

This is my soul to keep.

I wave to you

Tangled in fruit

I wave to you

God give you a boost

Sit still for a moment

& Listen well

You think your fucked now?

Just wait till your next tell

I see things others cannot

But I promise you

I will not rot.

.

.

.

11:17 PM

08/06/20

✨I 🔮 Left ✨

You know I had an ex

Who convinced me

I wasn’t good enough

That I wouldn’t survive

Without him

.

I had an ex who

Convinced me just enough

I was “good enough”

For him

But no one else

It made me cave right in

I never knew what love was

I was convinced this is

What everyone else

Goes through in

Relationships

Took me almost 7 years

To realize he was

The fucked up

Headspace

Not me

I felt irrational

Insane

Stuck in my brain

Looped in disdain

I broke free one day

He threw me against the wall

Yelled at me

Told me everything was my fault

I tried everything

Kept believing

If I gave him everything

My heart

My soul

I could fill his hole

Maybe one day he

Wouldn’t hurt me

Maybe one day he will

Be nice to me

Maybe one day he

Won’t beat me

When the vodka takes over

I was almost dead

Laying in a home

That wasn’t mine

Nothing about that place

Reflected a part of me

I waited for him

To go to work

Promised I’d be here

When he returned

Ran to the closet

To find my bags and packed up

My mess

5 bags of clothes sit packed

I unpacked them

I can’t admit to everyone

What’s been going on

I’m a failure

So fucking weak

If I leave what will

Everyone think of me

Buck up man

This is what a relationship is

“Sometimes you’ll fight “

Have disagreements

My abuser was mental

Never faced himself

One day I pictured the love I was

Giving him leave my body

I wanted to see where it went

Was it able to evolve Into what my

Intentions were

It touched his chest

And fell into a fire pit

He was eating it &

Destroying it

Telling me I’m not good enough

Telling me I’m not doing enough

I could’ve just slit my wrist

That day before I ever

Told someone the truth

He hit me with my own guitar

Thought he broke my face

No one was there to tell me

This is wrong

Again I saw the fire in his chest

Where his heart was supposed to be

Placed

He’s going to burn me

He’s convincing me to

Turn the gun on myself

How could I stand up for myself

When I didn’t love her

She was just skin

Dead within

I left

Key under the mat

Called my friend

Who makes me feel

Right within

11:11 AM

8-5-20

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