123456 — 654321

If I saw a loss

Is the loss pouring

out of you ?

Hands shaking

People who once loved

Are now just fighting and taking

.

.

Maybe it’s best to not know this you

You’ve worked so hard

But does it mean what you’ve

Worked for was the greener pasture

You were supposed to water all along ?

Any “lessons learned”coming along?

.

.

How long do you stand on the wrong lawn?

How long until you just let go

And realize you are just

Digging in the wrong direction

How many seeds lay waste ?

Over watered —

Never develop taste

You keep going deeper

Into all the wrong places

You keep going deeper

Like this is where you can hide

All your faces

Hide you can

But you know this isn’t right

All your trinkets being taken from you?

Finding out that marital bliss

Just means half of all MY shit ?

Bring nothing to the table

Then leaving with my passions ?

.

.

I believe divorce is a trauma

Most people feel embarrassed

Like a failure

Broken

Emotionally

Financially

Family

It’s all pieces on the floor

A part of this life we wish

We could let go

.

.

I see so many different things

Most importantly

I see no need for a ring

123456

Time and battery charge

Falling in line as I

Write down these visions

My mind is acting out for me

I’m sitting her at work &

The sight doesn’t leave me be

.

.

If this isn’t you then I

Hope you find your own cue

I can’t see anyone’s faces

Just recognize the energy

Feels recycled —-tainted —

.

Break it down

My iambic fuse

.

.

Sirens blaring

Find a muse

Kingdom taring

Sing the blues

Back away

I have nothing to lose

An afterthought

I’m so confused

.

.

.

Start writing

Burn the book

Stare too long

Or take a second look

I see you mad hatter

I dare you

Let this shatter

.

.

Find yourself

No one else matters

.

.

.

I pray for you

Whoever you are

I send you light

You are never that far

.

.

12:45 PM

4-5-21

Hemi – Sync

I talk to you

A lot in

my head

Yet I know

I shouldn’t

Pick up my phone

.

If I get brave enough to

Look at your name

I shut myself down

I can’t have a moment

Like that again

You don’t need

me to crack

Your skull open

And show you

The truth of

What you’ve

been hiding in

.

.

Start your day

With a clean slate

“Helps make every day feel brand new”

.

.

Flip a token

To see what side

Of yourself

You’ll choose today

Don’t look in the mirror

It’s easier that way

.

.

I talk to you a lot

In my head

Something I

Don’t recommend

Admitting right now

.

.

It comes natural

Until you want to

Talk about something

I don’t

It comes natural

Till you pull the wrong

String ; I won’t

I can’t sing

Can’t write

My throat is raw

From yelling at myself

I don’t want to visit

This side of my head

.

.

If I asked you to

Close your eyes

And touch the

Part of your brain

That lights up

When I come to mind

I bet it would

Scare you everytime

Not just one location

I come to find

.

.

I hope you know

I don’t feel like

Picking up my phone

My chest feels constricted

Can’t breath the way I like to

Right now thinking of you

Just a subtle heartbeat

Can’t get through the thick fog

Around you ; the pollution

Is too loud

.

.

I see vices

False niceness

Comfort zone

Sacrifices

Happy ….

Happy life

.

.

Being human is weird

I’m sure being a man is worse

All this pressure on your shoulders

To be a provider , believe that a better

Version of yourself is built by

Sacrificing who you are to someone else

.

Dark night of the soul

Is the only way through

I promise your authentic self

Wont let you ignore this pull

If this was the end then your

Pearl Jam song would be playing loud

I don’t hear the bells ringing or

The End coming for you

But I can assure you it

Wont be me snapping my fingers

Bringing you back on cue

But I see you

Don’t worry friend

I couldn’t stop if I tried

.

You come to mine

Too many times

.

.

Comedically I picture

Your name entering

The left side of my brain

Deciphering where it should

store this lovely being

The security is weak on that side

The bouncer said your name is on the list

Every-time

I’m dancing on the right side

Spinning in circles , dancing

Pantomime

.

.

.

Drifting through Oklahoma

2/8/21

9:29 am

9:44 am

10:01 am

“Read My Mind”

Woke up

&

I remember

I saw you

I lay there

& wonder

What you were

Telling me to do

.

.

Come close

Too close

Smiles show

Embrace me

Far past regret

I saw that

demented smile

Again

.

.

Blinking in a dream

another time approaches

Shows me old houses

Old rooms

Hair long

Like old times

Forgot my life

When I came to

Who is this man

My dream tells me

To look into

I watch myself

Follow this path

I play rewind

There you are

In dreamscape land

.

.

Blink

Present time

Present house

This is mine

I see you laying

On the floor

Crawl between

Now heavens a blur

My head is spinning

The feeling still there

Close my eyes

You continue to stare

Reality is coming quick

Tell me what you

Want me to know

I know I’m

laying too

Close to you

Tell me before I go

.

.

You lean in

As close as I want you to

Wrapped around me

Eyes meet

I’m so alive

Look what you

Made me do

.

.

Your lips move

“Read my mind”

.

Dream chy

Closes her eyes

In your arms

alarm sounds

I disappear everytime.

.

.

.

3:19 PM

3:37 PM

1/13/2021

A Yearn Untamed

I struggle to

Stay connected

To a part of

Myself

The part of myself

I love the most

I’m a ghost

Your a ghost

.

.

Boo

.

I yearn to confide

Inside myself

Be alone &

Fix this

Ocean of

Loneliness

I swim in

I’m terrified of

Water but here I

Am flowing with

The rip tide

Scared I

Might die

It’s getting deeper

Flowing faster

If I fight the current

I’ll drown

I’ve already done

This before

I have to crash

With the waves

Here I go

If this were

Easy it would

Be no fun

No lesson to

Learn

Go back to

The comfort zone

Lay there &

Remember

This isn’t where

You want to be

A coward you

Chose the lion

Suit again

I am OZ

I told you

It’s in you

All along

.

.

Lonely

Lonely

I continuously

Defend

Go back

Go back

.

.

A yearn untamed

Makes me

Disassociate

I’m in love

With you

I’m in love

With this

Vision

I’m closing

My eyes &

Living in

I told you

To go

You stay

As above

So Below

.

.

11:14 AM

11/04/2020

Remember who you are

I remember,

When all of this came to me.
Hit me.
Awoken something in me.

My eyes look different.
My mind cycles different.

Clearer.
Better.
Open.
Free…

I could compare this experience with an addict entering sobriety.
But i am no addict entering sobriety.
I found my calling. I lit the fire in my soul again.
All by myself… and the help from a select few.

I kept the faith.
Believed in myself.
My Center.
My Core.

I’ll never forget the feeling…

Always a double sided sword in this world.
The price of this was a hefty one i believe.

I lost myself
Hid myself
Almost stayed away
Forever.

Something Happened…

Divine Intervention
Some would say
Some Believe

I just know it happened to me.
My Calling.
My Sense. Mine.

I Remember… When i lost myself…
I remember …. When i found myself…
I remember who was with me all along.

-Remember Who You Are-

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