Be-You-Tiful You-Niverse

Well would you

Look at that

It was in us all along

This is my life

Our plane

My soul

Lessons

games

No “better than “here”

Where are we anyway?

Floating in space

Not even a base

Just rotating

Slowly fading

.

.

Ever think of why words

Are s-p-e-l-l-e-d 🧙🏻‍♀️

Manifested one letter at a time

Pondering where thoughts

Come from when it has been

The borrowed light within

All along

.

.

Be – you -tiful

He wrote

You-niverse she saw

What funny synchronicites

That continuously connect us all

.

.

I feel like I broke my view

Can’t stay in one

World anymore

So many beautiful

Things flying around us

No one sees this

But scattered souls

Destined to have

Found us

.

I hold this all so close

To my chest

The only thing your holding

To your chest is a pile of cards

Dumb founded when you’ve

Gone too far

.

Oh I did it again

.

.

Better and better

The music man plays

Clearer and clearer

The old soul sings

We tuck different things

Into our chest

I don’t have armor

It’s unconditional love

Red rover

Red rover

Won’t you come on over

Chauffeur

Me through this

Plane we are blessed

To breath

.

.

Can’t believe it was

In us this whole time

Look at my hands

Still have youth

I suppose

Not dead

I refuse

I’ve found this

overwhelming flow

Ever flowing glow

Don’t need this

Earthly ambien again

.

Remember

Remember

It’s the only way

This will end

Remember

Remember

Learn this lesson

Again

Over and over

Let’s play pretend

We don’t know the

Definition of

Karma again

Continue away from

The meaningless

Progression

Can I

Wake up?

Or shall I lay here again ?

Come back “ play the game“

Forget again

Come back to

Karma & Epiphany

Again

Tattoo it on your wrists

So you don’t slice them again

Come back to the good & evil again

Tattoo them so he doesn’t mark your skin

Fight for yourself

Your worth the soul within

Fight for yourself

“ Your enough “

In the end.

.

.

.

.

.

10:38 PM

1:37 AM

9-4-20

11:11

Nothing in this place

Compares to you

Nothing in this space

Scares me more than you

11:10 as I write this page

11:11 as I shutter at the ways

On and on these days come on

11:11 I want you to sing me a song

Confess to me

Show less to me

I’m spinning in circles

Watch me caress me

Ever loving

Let me breath

11:11 come take me

11:11 PM

8/27/20

Can you speak Tongues?

I’d rather speak in

Pictures

Riddles

&

Rhymes

.

.

Metaphors

You don’t care to speak

Nor see

That is me

Wrapped up in

A mystical being

.

.

So divine

.

.

It can get lonely here

Luckily my mind

Is here

I’m not lost this time

Luckily my chakras

Are trying to clear

I am the only one

That can help me

See clear

This time

.

.

.

I’d rather speak in

Synchronicities & signs

Then feel you

Roll your eyes

Misunderstandings

Claim you everytime

Skepticism takes the magic

From your mind

Kills the kundalini

Everytime

.

.

.

I am a spirit

Always ready to roam

Can’t keep me contained

I’m out on my own

You are a spirit

Lost on the phone

Can’t keep you mundane

You’re getting so cold

.

.

Riddles

&

Rhymes

Their all sent to me

Riddles

&

Rhymes

Languages translated

To me

.

.

.

Not mine ; not yours

Glossolalia

Xenoglossy

I’ll show them to you

I’ll show them to you

I’ll show them to you

.

.

Use my advice this time

Set yourself free

It doesn’t mean you’ll

Be with me

But if you set yourself free

I will be able to breath

.

.

I sound so dramatic

I don’t need you

I swear

I sound so dramatic

Run your fingers

Through my hair

.

.

I’d rather speak to God

Than wait around for you

I’d rather speak to God

He is making me in tune

.

.

Can you speaks tongues ?

I’d really like to see

If you speak tongues

Would it set your soul free?

.

.

Are you strong enough

On your own

Looking down at your phone

Thinking when you call me soon

Faking , hide your tone

.

.

There is a bind here

Isn’t it clear?

A hermit draws near

While an emperor

Shows fear

Oh dear

Oh dear

Oh dear

Just a year

Just a year

Just a year

8:21 PM

8:39 PM

8/9/20

Wounded Healer

Do you help yourself

By helping others?

Do you carry others

With you like it

Might be your

Own pain ?

Wounded healer

Come to play

A wounded healer

Shift the world

From decay

I see the light in you

Sometimes neglect

The poison that

Influences you

I am a light carrier

The flashlight in the dark

If your scared

Come from afar

The door will open

As soon as you step on

The porch

The door will open

I’ll help you

light this torch

.

.

I am wounded

Never claimed to be

Full

I admit I am whole

But the divine runs

Through me

I except my place in this

Divinity

I can’t be healed

Need to heal everyone else

I can be healed

I can only save myself

.

.

I am whoever you

Need me to be

Won’t judge you

That’s not my way

.

.

I am your flashlight

Turn me on

Hold me close

I won’t go too far

I’ll keep you safe

Out of your safe space

I’ll keep you safe

I’m your saving grace

.

.

I don’t mind being broken

Gold fills my cracks

I don’t mind

I’m outspoken

It’s the skies

That are rolling

Through my mind

.

.

I am a wounded healer

God sends you all to me

I am a wounded healer

Floating across an

endless sea

.

.

Love flows

Unconditional

But I won’t forget myself

Love goes

Unconditional

I won’t forget myself

.

.

.

2:44 PM

8/9/20

I was thinking 🌗

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Can’t do it anymore

I had so much fun

With you lastnight

But I saw who you were

Can’t look past these

Blocks you choose

.

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

Of leaving you

Makes me sad

Thought we were close

.

.

.

I had so much

fun with you

But I can’t stand

What you choose

.

.

.

My friend

My friend

I knew it would end

My friend

My friend

Don’t need you

Won’t bend

My friend

My friend

Thank you for

This time

We’ve had

It’s only been

Two years

And I can’t count

All the ways

I’ve processed

Your tears

.

.

It’s so hard

To be friends

With me

I’ll give and I’ll give

Until I confess

That you just take

It’s not your intention

But no boundaries

shine a ray

.

.

My energy is low

When I am in

Your presence

My friend

I was there for you

I watched you

Process 20 years

Of grief through me

I let you do it

So effortlessly

I’ll ground your pain

It’s what I usually do

I see you now

You don’t need me

No clue

My friend

My friend

I am growing away

My friend

My friend

Won’t come back

One day

I’ve done this

Before

Scattered friends

Near and far

I am so empty when

You take from me

All of you

Never replace my energy

Dear lord

Dear lord

Will I ever find a friend

Who sends back

Their energy from within

.

.

.

I know I’ve felt it before

I was 19 and so very low

.

.

Hey

I was thinking

About leaving you

Didn’t like the conversation

You made me sit through

.

.

Hey

I think I’m gonna leave you

Let time run it’s course

Let God do his chores

Removing the people

Who don’t help me grow

.

.

So many • chords •

Stuck to me

Need to cut them

Before I can’t breath

Let you feel

Your disease

.

.

I wish I felt sorry

For feeling this way

But Hey I love you

In every single way

.

.

I let go

Acknowledge the truth

Send my pain to the

Ground below

Lift my head up

It’s the end of the show

Hey

I’m leaving you today.

1:33 PM

2:12 PM

8/9/20

Karmic Konfection

Another day

Another dollar

I guess that’s what

They used to say

I find myself in

More money than

When I hustled

All 7 days

Funny how life feels

When you let go

I never had control

Just anxiety

Anyways

I’m not giving up

I’m just realizing

The anxiety route

Isn’t the way to go

I have nothing to prove

Only want to live

I have nothing to prove

I’m backing away from

This one way give

Curiosity has got

Me taking another

Direction

Taking my time

In this karmic confection

I believe I’m getting a

Do over

My mind isn’t overcome

With fear

I found a way to

Talk to her

Be a friend

More to her than

To anyone else

I say things like

You good chy?

Getting a little tired?

I check in with me

And just for a second

Fuck everyone else

I know I’m a giver

I’ll give until my

lungs run out

It’s easy to take

advantage of me

I’m banking on the

Light I see in you

Not to burn out

Is it my fault

I believe karma

Will see us through?

I don’t want to be a

Shitty person

I want to leave you

Better than I found you

Why couldn’t I have started

Out like that?

I guess I used to ask myself

“Why is this happening to me”

It sends out a boomerang of desperate

Energy

I Observed others happiness

Like it was an impossible asana

.

.

Now I have flipped

I am the light

I say

“Why is this happening for me?”

I never give my mind

Statements

Just continuous questions

I have a constant conversation

With myself ; day in / day out

I take responsibility for my

Energy

How happy I am

I did that

When I get low

I got my back

It’s really dark out here

I used to look for a light

It’s really dark out here

But I’m the fucking

Flashlight

I take responsibility

For my energy

I take responsibility

For the ones God sends to me

“Leave them better than what you

Found them “ but don’t lose yourself

Trying to save just one

So if it’s a hello

I hope you find the time to say

Hello back

No strings attached

If it’s a marriage your

Waiting to watch the

Eb and flow

Goodluck

A man made concept

Has no use in the spirit world

Such guilt those vows

Can bring

In the end it’s just a

Man made pain

Truly meant to bind

Materialistic things

For better or worse doesn’t

Mean my soul for your happiness

I can’t live without myself

For better or worse doesn’t mean

I have to pay for everything

I can’t help but be a little pissed at

These stupid rings

What has it done to us

Sometimes this just stings

Another day

Another dollar

One day there

Won’t be anything

But The Father

So I sit well with myself

I continue to confess

I am not less

I am not my job

I am not my things

I am not your soul

You have to stand on

Your own

This marriage did not

Combine us

The way you choose to see

This marriage did not bind us

This is my soul to keep.

I wave to you

Tangled in fruit

I wave to you

God give you a boost

Sit still for a moment

& Listen well

You think your fucked now?

Just wait till your next tell

I see things others cannot

But I promise you

I will not rot.

.

.

.

11:17 PM

08/06/20

✨I 🔮 Left ✨

You know I had an ex

Who convinced me

I wasn’t good enough

That I wouldn’t survive

Without him

.

I had an ex who

Convinced me just enough

I was “good enough”

For him

But no one else

It made me cave right in

I never knew what love was

I was convinced this is

What everyone else

Goes through in

Relationships

Took me almost 7 years

To realize he was

The fucked up

Headspace

Not me

I felt irrational

Insane

Stuck in my brain

Looped in disdain

I broke free one day

He threw me against the wall

Yelled at me

Told me everything was my fault

I tried everything

Kept believing

If I gave him everything

My heart

My soul

I could fill his hole

Maybe one day he

Wouldn’t hurt me

Maybe one day he will

Be nice to me

Maybe one day he

Won’t beat me

When the vodka takes over

I was almost dead

Laying in a home

That wasn’t mine

Nothing about that place

Reflected a part of me

I waited for him

To go to work

Promised I’d be here

When he returned

Ran to the closet

To find my bags and packed up

My mess

5 bags of clothes sit packed

I unpacked them

I can’t admit to everyone

What’s been going on

I’m a failure

So fucking weak

If I leave what will

Everyone think of me

Buck up man

This is what a relationship is

“Sometimes you’ll fight “

Have disagreements

My abuser was mental

Never faced himself

One day I pictured the love I was

Giving him leave my body

I wanted to see where it went

Was it able to evolve Into what my

Intentions were

It touched his chest

And fell into a fire pit

He was eating it &

Destroying it

Telling me I’m not good enough

Telling me I’m not doing enough

I could’ve just slit my wrist

That day before I ever

Told someone the truth

He hit me with my own guitar

Thought he broke my face

No one was there to tell me

This is wrong

Again I saw the fire in his chest

Where his heart was supposed to be

Placed

He’s going to burn me

He’s convincing me to

Turn the gun on myself

How could I stand up for myself

When I didn’t love her

She was just skin

Dead within

I left

Key under the mat

Called my friend

Who makes me feel

Right within

11:11 AM

8-5-20

Take Take Take

Never thought

That I would feel

like this

Such a mess when

I’m in your presence

.

.

PVRIS killed

Me with this

Wasn’t my heart

That sank

But lately I’ve excepted

This sight is my fate

Tried to shut it down

Almost a year ago

But God came back

Said no baby

Flow

.

.

I see spirits

I see energy

I see lines of karma

Enraging me

Got to ground it

Not mine

Not mine

Not mine

.

.

.

It scares me sometimes

To see what everybody hides

Can’t have a normal

Conversation

When I know your

Dying inside

Don’t tell me your fine

I can’t stand it

This time

I’ve been lied to

For years

Smiled kindly

While I fight back

your tears

What a life I chose

Jeremiah come close

Tell me who

Needs me the most

Is it me?

Is it you ?

I hope your guides

Come & push

you through

.

.

You’re so old

Yet you act

Like this is

Your first incarnation

You act so old

Mind rotting

Like a self inflicted

Infestation

.

.

Looks like I’ve been

Driving this car

The whole time

I swore it was you

.

.

I can’t get over

How be-you-tiful

You are

My mind plays

tricks on me

Makes you my mirage

I lost my mind right?

.

.

If I were dying in a desert

You’d be my last thought

If I were lying on a feather

Id tangle with this tether

Come on baby

Let’s go play with leather

.

.

I can’t get over how lonely

You were

.

(Are)

.

My head hangs low

Rubbing my temples

In disbelief

I never knew I was

As lonely as you

Thought it was just me

Living the definition

Of pathetic

Killing myself

Pretending it was

Somebody else

Who could be my medic

.

.

Faking my way

Never knowing

What was true

Looking back

Like I always do

Thinking of ways

I never helped you

Picking you apart

So I can make an

Excuse for why I

Don’t need you

Picking me apart

So I can find an excuse

For why you aren’t my muse

.

.

It’s all lies

I have a demented smile

When I lie to myself

I know this won’t last forever

But your the only one

That makes time stand still

The cars go by you

18 wheelers flying behind you

All I can see is you

In this parking lot

I know you forgot

.

.

What’s the use of

This conversation

When you shove it

To your safe space

what’s the use of

This confession

When you hang up

And keep it encased

.

.

What is meant to be

Will be

I need you to know

If I could stop

I think I would

.

Inhale

Exhale

.

Absolutely nothing

Against you

You just make it

Too much

I’m already isolated

Enough

I don’t need to sit

Here and daydream

Of your touch

It makes me shake a little

You get me pretty fucked up

Noises I die to make

Grabbing at skin

That needs drilled in

Take

9:02 AM

8/5/20

Kundalini Restrained Coiled

I can’t find it

in a book

So I guess

I’ll write one

.

.

I can’t seem

To write a song

So I guess

I’ll go find one

Been covering

for years

Skipping past

The tears

How has it

Come to this?

.

.

If I spelt Karma

With a “C”

Could you

translate

It to me?

Show me

One more time

That my presence

Is the key

.

.

.

.

.

.

What do you picture

In your mind?

I want to write

It out for you

Might have to draw

A web with this tangled

String you’ve toiled

Kundalini restrained coiled

.

.

.

Can you believe it’s

Been so long ?

And I still

Want to lay on

This floor with you

Write me a song

.

.

Forgot how to

shut my eyes

I got lost in yours

You fool

.

.

Can you believe

What is going on

That I’ve already

Been through it too?

.

.

If I could write a song

I don’t think I could ever

Hum along

My throat is still

Wrapped in shame

Someone’s pain

Still stops me

From singing my range

.

.

.

I picture the stage

Fantasize I’m on

That page &

Carry someone’s

Guitar home too

.

.

I guess I have to

Write it

Isn’t it supposed to be

My truth?

I’m just exhausted

Can’t fight it

I was born loving you

Who is you

When you aren’t true

To the skin you chose

To walk within

Who is you

My heart sends me to

An endless ocean blue

I have no strings

To tangle

No lion left to wrangle

Maybe that’s the danger

In me that lurks in you

I have no strings

For you

Just a fate

I choose to acknowledge

I have no strings for you

Just dark clubs and

Tangled chains

I picture you

I picture you

I picture you

Endlessly this

Flows through me

Endlessly this heart

Will see

Everything that is

Meant to be

Don’t worry

Don’t worry

You are right

Where fate

Needs you to be

Remember me

I can’t forget you

Remember me

And you’ll push

On through

.

.

.

.

.

12:53 PM = 11

8/4/20

Vulnerable

Be vulnerable with me

I won’t hate who you are

.

.

.

Breath with me

Give me who you are

I won’t make you feel bad

For the things you want

I won’t make you think

You are less

For what you

won’t flaunt

.

.

.

Tell me the truth

In writing

In words that have

Been stuck for years

.

.

Flow with me

In this endless dance

You always hold back

The tears

.

.

I can heal you

Like I’ve healed myself

I can show you

What you won’t confess

A longing

A nurture

A sweet loves

Caress

.

.

Come on

Confess

Confess

.

.

.

Bring your mind to me

Lay it inside of me

I’ll keep it forever

Like I already have

I’ll keep you forever

You know that I have

.

.

I am nothing to fear

No pedestal here

Take me down from there

I’m standing right here

.

.

It’s okay

I confess

I could never

love you less

It’s okay

I confess

You have never

Been a mess

.

.

Let’s confess

Let’s confess

I’ll be vulnerable too

Come show me a visual

Of the hell you’ve been through

.

.

Kiss my forehead

My hand

And my ass

Come play with me

I’ll take off my mask

.

.

only for you

The voice is so true

Only for you

I won’t shuffle

You through

.

.

.

Start writing

Keep fighting

No failure

You are going

Through

.

.

This fence hurts

Pull up my skirts

And show me

Who you are

.

.

Be vulnerable with me

Tell me the truth

Please let me see

Everything you’ve

Been hiding from me

.

.

.

12:26 AM

7/27/20

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