et suavis et fortis

What do you want to leave for the world?∴

What do you want to put your name on and die next to saying it is your creation?

                                    is it your unshaken faith               …            Is it the endless ladder you climb?                 …


 Is it the family you love and nurture?                     …                           Who will mourn you when you pass.

Is it what you’ll pass down to your children            …                            your generation? even the next?


If someone dug up the remains of your life…      what do you want them to find?

I look hard at myself and the opportunities i have in my hands in the upcoming months and i woke today with a thought.

Is this what i want to leave for the world? If i had to watch, after i pass , how i impacted the world. Am i doing enough?

                                                                                                                                                              DId i help enough?

                                       or did i hurt enough?


My great aunts passing provoked some thoughts toward this. Her spirit was pleasant and brave. She raised her family,

her beautiful family grew and extended into more who extend the traits of her center. She loved her Lord and she loved her family.

These two things are what i remember the best of this women.

Always Smiling.

She impacted so many lives in positive ways it’s a sad day on the Earth to hear her passing.

Letting the pain escape the circumstances I can’t help but focus on what she left behind and be blown away at the simplicity and depth she provided our family.

Pleasant and Brave

Is this what i want to leave the world? My writings? My understandings?

If it helps one person.

If you can help someone through this.

if i can help myself.

simply.

yes.

♥Pleasant and Brave.♥


Vincit omnia amor- Love conquers all

Vincit omnia veritas-Τruth conquers all

Vita mutatur, non tollitur-Life is changed, not taken away∴

Real is Rare

My mother thinks I am going to be sold into the sex trade.

I sit and tell her my plan with high hopes and encouraging feedback.

I know she wants to support me in every way she can but her worst fears are coming out of her mouth and I
have to listen to her side of things.

I’m grinding my teeth as she tells me all the fears I fear. I’m getting anxiety and doubt through this whole conversation, this was not my intention when all of this began.

When all this began echoes in my head weeks after this conversation,after this stunted blog I’ve been procrastinating on. I guess I’ve been letting everything pile up to explode on this page. I’ve run into a new character along the way in the past couple weeks of me venturing out into the world for some new ideas. He rings especially true to the title of this. Real is Rare. I was destined to meet this person and write about him or at least observe him for my writings. He was so open to the world his eyes reflected like mirrors. His smile let off radiant energy every time he was around. I would say he was at a state of enlightenment I’d never been privileged to witness. Damn Italians have such a beautiful look about them anyways but give them a magnetic personality and Colgate white smile and you can’t help but dive in deeper for a story.

He is a painter. Never met a painter like this. Besides the massive amounts of paintings he showed me that blew my mind i was overly weary and impressed at how vulnerable he left himself open to everyone. he trusted like id never seen in someone. He trusted in faith and love. That was all. His higher power was love. How cute right? Among schooling for his art degree he studied everything he could from astrology,numerology,yoga,meditations….the list goes on for a while. I was intrigued by the amount of knowledge i could learn from him. Him in his nice ways would say i was his muse. I translated his paintings. I believed it to a point. Especially when i found a painting from 2012 that looked exactly like me. It was a very big goosebumps moment. We painted a spare piece of wood together and took a picture with me in front of it to do side by sides to creep ourselves out more. It hits a level of my soul to see this picture and to connect to it. It made me turn my record button on again and listen to his past stories and fill in the blanks for his transformation.

He believed and mantrad good things, what he wanted, everything. Throwing all of it out into the universe believing it will come back around when he’s ready for it/worked hard enough for it. He got accepted into grad school and was moving technically the day i got back from a trip to Omaha. We met on a corner of the street called cherry. instantly he was familiar and welcoming to all conversations. He used to be a lead singer of a death metal group for a couple of years and was really good at it but it left him an emotional asshole wreck. His friends would say “it’s okay you’re an italian…italians are assholes.” Something was breaking through to him. He summed it up into I just wanted to be good none of it made sense anymore. After a dosing incident his life turned around massively. He had no choice but to look at the world differently and that is was saved his life the most. This path he is on i can see it clearly if he avoids distractions along the way. He fixes me lunch, all live foods, fruits veggies etc. (you are what you eat) he says every time he cooks. We go on walks in the neighborhood and he waves to everyone like family. We stop and talk to an older woman who needs fence postings dug…he says he’ll be back at 5 to do it for her. I was further than cloud 9 with this positivity around me. What a helping hand on Gods green earth.

As open and friendly as he was it looked as if the world gave back to him. he needed a car so his friend he had met 2 months ago lent him his BMW. The women paid him for the fencing and that was his gas money along with stopping by a vegetable stand and grabbing a live lunch. His now best friend he’s known for 5 months is literally by his side all the time to make sure nothing happens to him. he finds them places to stay and they swap smoothie recipes with each other to keep up with the travelers energy they need. He had a guardian in human form. Along with everything else around him he couldn’t see.

I believe with being so open and vulnerable is to also attract pain and anti-idols. He had been hurt many of times and anti-idols were all he introduced me to accept a handful. Many great people helping each other out yet not even looking at their own. A concept i knew too well so i kept my guard up as to remain acquaintances with most i met in the times we spent together. He showed me a different way to look at the world. I find myself holding all my emotions deep down on the inside so i admire someone who wears it so boldly.

I go back to conversation with my mother and the example this man leaves with me. I realize i still look at the world naively. I still think if you don’t intend harm on others then nothing of harm will come to you. Then i think of all the innocents in the world. I know i am just another kind soul giving faith to the universe to protect her among the world’s evil. I can’t hide myself from what i want because of how cold the world is. It isn’t fair to me to let my fears and her fears take away the most beautiful and awakening time of my life.

Mother,

I am scared.
i am scared to leave you.

My sister.

My brother,

My family.

My work

My friends.

My life.

I wish i had words to explain to all of you

and make you understand and feel what i feel.

I’ve never wanted to Run away so bad.

I’ve never wanted to realize myself so much.

My heart aches as I write these words.

I feel every word.            I feel like i miss everything already.

Please know it is Not I nor You that was the ultimate consequence or decision in all of this.

We’ve all known I’ve had to go away.

That I was going somewhere….

far.

You are my Heart and Soul.                                                                 I am bound to all of you.

No matter how near.

or                                                                            far.

check out AJ Moretti or AJ live on FB

For more ascending arts compilations

And many many more like the one

and unlike the one Pictured above.

*** *** ***

Such a true

Enlightened soul

Painting truths.

Thank you for taking

The time to take care

For me. I was not in a good

Way when we met that day.

You saw me.

Took me in.

Only for awhile

Did I let you

Win.

But I had to go

Ripped off like

A bandaid

I had to go

Hurt you a

Little

Cause I started

To glow

I’m so sorry

I had to go.

What a light

You are

Anjelo.

I Want More

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I choose to live

Well I’ve decided to start my travel fund. Not just a work at the same job, save up money, go for a vacation then come back and plan a new sense of adventure to fantasize about to get me through the next couple months. My spirit needs something…so much more. I say it to myself as a realization everyday even though I continue to deny myself the truth. It seeps through; I Want More.

More Options.
More knowledge.

More Music
More Adventure.

More Work.

More.

More.
More.
Is this world my oyster?
Can I set out and live free?
Is the world kind enough to let me?

So long I have dark thoughts and fears that have almost submersed my soul into a submissive state. I admit to disassociating and daydreaming of what if’s and could’ve been. I feel I have daily realizations and this one I’ve been hit with lately is a doozie. Can I call you an Epiphany?
Could this sense of feeling !so right! Be the path I’ve been waiting for?

I ask myself so many questions but admit I don’t answer most of them. I want to live an recap later. Writing an documenting from these starting thoughts. Some thing’s might not need to be shared. I plan on crossing the line and knocking MYSELF down a peg or two. Opening my eyes and my mind to what this world and God has planned for me. I wake up feeling like I’m truly planning a purpose.

The greatest journey
of my life is
about to begin.

This is my  Anthem to get me through it. Can you feel it when the beat hits you. Close your eyes and listen…

This is the Beginning…Songbird…Rebirth…

When I let myself realize what I’m leaving behind I try to understand just how much time is against me on planning the next 6-9 months of my life. To start I have created this blog and a very simple yet humbling page (asiruniritechyly.com) (About- the truth was written on my wrist )Rambling what’s been going through my mind with all the sense of change I’m about to take in.

I’m auctioning my belongings on eBay and other sites and saving up for my travel fund. What I can keep I shall store in my backpack and the rest are memories I keep and memories to be made.

The starting process of this is compared to… Making a
Mountain.
Out of a Molehill.

I’m registering to sites to sell these belongings and working at my lovely server position. While hoarding a tax return meant for a car but who needs a car when you can just rent a car, rideshare, or remember the good lord gave you two working feet to put down on this ground everyday.

If I were to say I wasn’t nervous I would be lying. I’m terrified!!!! I have worldly fears and I’ve watched too much lifetime and CNN to clog my mind with a mugging scene as I walk out my front door. However the bigger fear of mine is to be sitting in a chair being a 90 year old women looking back on her life with a bunch of regrets. Not experiencing, never truly living and always giving into the belief that your life should be lived a certain way. College a certain age. Marriage by a certain age. Children by a certain age. This is my life. Only God can judge me and be there for me at all times. Only he knows what is in store for me and what is pulsing through my veins as I write these words to …. (Whoever chose to read this…thanks!)

Is this what I’ve been waiting for?
Is this my epiphany?
I keep looking down at my wrist
And rereading…
The truth is undeniable.

 

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