Be-You-Tiful You-Niverse

Well would you

Look at that

It was in us all along

This is my life

Our plane

My soul

Lessons

games

No “better than “here”

Where are we anyway?

Floating in space

Not even a base

Just rotating

Slowly fading

.

.

Ever think of why words

Are s-p-e-l-l-e-d 🧙🏻‍♀️

Manifested one letter at a time

Pondering where thoughts

Come from when it has been

The borrowed light within

All along

.

.

Be – you -tiful

He wrote

You-niverse she saw

What funny synchronicites

That continuously connect us all

.

.

I feel like I broke my view

Can’t stay in one

World anymore

So many beautiful

Things flying around us

No one sees this

But scattered souls

Destined to have

Found us

.

I hold this all so close

To my chest

The only thing your holding

To your chest is a pile of cards

Dumb founded when you’ve

Gone too far

.

Oh I did it again

.

.

Better and better

The music man plays

Clearer and clearer

The old soul sings

We tuck different things

Into our chest

I don’t have armor

It’s unconditional love

Red rover

Red rover

Won’t you come on over

Chauffeur

Me through this

Plane we are blessed

To breath

.

.

Can’t believe it was

In us this whole time

Look at my hands

Still have youth

I suppose

Not dead

I refuse

I’ve found this

overwhelming flow

Ever flowing glow

Don’t need this

Earthly ambien again

.

Remember

Remember

It’s the only way

This will end

Remember

Remember

Learn this lesson

Again

Over and over

Let’s play pretend

We don’t know the

Definition of

Karma again

Continue away from

The meaningless

Progression

Can I

Wake up?

Or shall I lay here again ?

Come back “ play the game“

Forget again

Come back to

Karma & Epiphany

Again

Tattoo it on your wrists

So you don’t slice them again

Come back to the good & evil again

Tattoo them so he doesn’t mark your skin

Fight for yourself

Your worth the soul within

Fight for yourself

“ Your enough “

In the end.

.

.

.

.

.

10:38 PM

1:37 AM

9-4-20

11:11

Nothing in this place

Compares to you

Nothing in this space

Scares me more than you

11:10 as I write this page

11:11 as I shutter at the ways

On and on these days come on

11:11 I want you to sing me a song

Confess to me

Show less to me

I’m spinning in circles

Watch me caress me

Ever loving

Let me breath

11:11 come take me

11:11 PM

8/27/20

Karmic Konfection

Another day

Another dollar

I guess that’s what

They used to say

I find myself in

More money than

When I hustled

All 7 days

Funny how life feels

When you let go

I never had control

Just anxiety

Anyways

I’m not giving up

I’m just realizing

The anxiety route

Isn’t the way to go

I have nothing to prove

Only want to live

I have nothing to prove

I’m backing away from

This one way give

Curiosity has got

Me taking another

Direction

Taking my time

In this karmic confection

I believe I’m getting a

Do over

My mind isn’t overcome

With fear

I found a way to

Talk to her

Be a friend

More to her than

To anyone else

I say things like

You good chy?

Getting a little tired?

I check in with me

And just for a second

Fuck everyone else

I know I’m a giver

I’ll give until my

lungs run out

It’s easy to take

advantage of me

I’m banking on the

Light I see in you

Not to burn out

Is it my fault

I believe karma

Will see us through?

I don’t want to be a

Shitty person

I want to leave you

Better than I found you

Why couldn’t I have started

Out like that?

I guess I used to ask myself

“Why is this happening to me”

It sends out a boomerang of desperate

Energy

I Observed others happiness

Like it was an impossible asana

.

.

Now I have flipped

I am the light

I say

“Why is this happening for me?”

I never give my mind

Statements

Just continuous questions

I have a constant conversation

With myself ; day in / day out

I take responsibility for my

Energy

How happy I am

I did that

When I get low

I got my back

It’s really dark out here

I used to look for a light

It’s really dark out here

But I’m the fucking

Flashlight

I take responsibility

For my energy

I take responsibility

For the ones God sends to me

“Leave them better than what you

Found them “ but don’t lose yourself

Trying to save just one

So if it’s a hello

I hope you find the time to say

Hello back

No strings attached

If it’s a marriage your

Waiting to watch the

Eb and flow

Goodluck

A man made concept

Has no use in the spirit world

Such guilt those vows

Can bring

In the end it’s just a

Man made pain

Truly meant to bind

Materialistic things

For better or worse doesn’t

Mean my soul for your happiness

I can’t live without myself

For better or worse doesn’t mean

I have to pay for everything

I can’t help but be a little pissed at

These stupid rings

What has it done to us

Sometimes this just stings

Another day

Another dollar

One day there

Won’t be anything

But The Father

So I sit well with myself

I continue to confess

I am not less

I am not my job

I am not my things

I am not your soul

You have to stand on

Your own

This marriage did not

Combine us

The way you choose to see

This marriage did not bind us

This is my soul to keep.

I wave to you

Tangled in fruit

I wave to you

God give you a boost

Sit still for a moment

& Listen well

You think your fucked now?

Just wait till your next tell

I see things others cannot

But I promise you

I will not rot.

.

.

.

11:17 PM

08/06/20

✨I 🔮 Left ✨

You know I had an ex

Who convinced me

I wasn’t good enough

That I wouldn’t survive

Without him

.

I had an ex who

Convinced me just enough

I was “good enough”

For him

But no one else

It made me cave right in

I never knew what love was

I was convinced this is

What everyone else

Goes through in

Relationships

Took me almost 7 years

To realize he was

The fucked up

Headspace

Not me

I felt irrational

Insane

Stuck in my brain

Looped in disdain

I broke free one day

He threw me against the wall

Yelled at me

Told me everything was my fault

I tried everything

Kept believing

If I gave him everything

My heart

My soul

I could fill his hole

Maybe one day he

Wouldn’t hurt me

Maybe one day he will

Be nice to me

Maybe one day he

Won’t beat me

When the vodka takes over

I was almost dead

Laying in a home

That wasn’t mine

Nothing about that place

Reflected a part of me

I waited for him

To go to work

Promised I’d be here

When he returned

Ran to the closet

To find my bags and packed up

My mess

5 bags of clothes sit packed

I unpacked them

I can’t admit to everyone

What’s been going on

I’m a failure

So fucking weak

If I leave what will

Everyone think of me

Buck up man

This is what a relationship is

“Sometimes you’ll fight “

Have disagreements

My abuser was mental

Never faced himself

One day I pictured the love I was

Giving him leave my body

I wanted to see where it went

Was it able to evolve Into what my

Intentions were

It touched his chest

And fell into a fire pit

He was eating it &

Destroying it

Telling me I’m not good enough

Telling me I’m not doing enough

I could’ve just slit my wrist

That day before I ever

Told someone the truth

He hit me with my own guitar

Thought he broke my face

No one was there to tell me

This is wrong

Again I saw the fire in his chest

Where his heart was supposed to be

Placed

He’s going to burn me

He’s convincing me to

Turn the gun on myself

How could I stand up for myself

When I didn’t love her

She was just skin

Dead within

I left

Key under the mat

Called my friend

Who makes me feel

Right within

11:11 AM

8-5-20

Kundalini Restrained Coiled

I can’t find it

in a book

So I guess

I’ll write one

.

.

I can’t seem

To write a song

So I guess

I’ll go find one

Been covering

for years

Skipping past

The tears

How has it

Come to this?

.

.

If I spelt Karma

With a “C”

Could you

translate

It to me?

Show me

One more time

That my presence

Is the key

.

.

.

.

.

.

What do you picture

In your mind?

I want to write

It out for you

Might have to draw

A web with this tangled

String you’ve toiled

Kundalini restrained coiled

.

.

.

Can you believe it’s

Been so long ?

And I still

Want to lay on

This floor with you

Write me a song

.

.

Forgot how to

shut my eyes

I got lost in yours

You fool

.

.

Can you believe

What is going on

That I’ve already

Been through it too?

.

.

If I could write a song

I don’t think I could ever

Hum along

My throat is still

Wrapped in shame

Someone’s pain

Still stops me

From singing my range

.

.

.

I picture the stage

Fantasize I’m on

That page &

Carry someone’s

Guitar home too

.

.

I guess I have to

Write it

Isn’t it supposed to be

My truth?

I’m just exhausted

Can’t fight it

I was born loving you

Who is you

When you aren’t true

To the skin you chose

To walk within

Who is you

My heart sends me to

An endless ocean blue

I have no strings

To tangle

No lion left to wrangle

Maybe that’s the danger

In me that lurks in you

I have no strings

For you

Just a fate

I choose to acknowledge

I have no strings for you

Just dark clubs and

Tangled chains

I picture you

I picture you

I picture you

Endlessly this

Flows through me

Endlessly this heart

Will see

Everything that is

Meant to be

Don’t worry

Don’t worry

You are right

Where fate

Needs you to be

Remember me

I can’t forget you

Remember me

And you’ll push

On through

.

.

.

.

.

12:53 PM = 11

8/4/20

Vulnerable

Be vulnerable with me

I won’t hate who you are

.

.

.

Breath with me

Give me who you are

I won’t make you feel bad

For the things you want

I won’t make you think

You are less

For what you

won’t flaunt

.

.

.

Tell me the truth

In writing

In words that have

Been stuck for years

.

.

Flow with me

In this endless dance

You always hold back

The tears

.

.

I can heal you

Like I’ve healed myself

I can show you

What you won’t confess

A longing

A nurture

A sweet loves

Caress

.

.

Come on

Confess

Confess

.

.

.

Bring your mind to me

Lay it inside of me

I’ll keep it forever

Like I already have

I’ll keep you forever

You know that I have

.

.

I am nothing to fear

No pedestal here

Take me down from there

I’m standing right here

.

.

It’s okay

I confess

I could never

love you less

It’s okay

I confess

You have never

Been a mess

.

.

Let’s confess

Let’s confess

I’ll be vulnerable too

Come show me a visual

Of the hell you’ve been through

.

.

Kiss my forehead

My hand

And my ass

Come play with me

I’ll take off my mask

.

.

only for you

The voice is so true

Only for you

I won’t shuffle

You through

.

.

.

Start writing

Keep fighting

No failure

You are going

Through

.

.

This fence hurts

Pull up my skirts

And show me

Who you are

.

.

Be vulnerable with me

Tell me the truth

Please let me see

Everything you’ve

Been hiding from me

.

.

.

12:26 AM

7/27/20

The Sight

I’ve found

The sight again

And it showed

Me you

Showed me a

You

I’ve never been

Introduced to

A you I don’t know

Don’t like

Won’t grow

He’s flipping these

Pages with no

Answer in sight

He sees my name

And it gives him

Panic and delight

I can’t believe

What I saw

Picked up my phone

And threw up

On you

I’m so pissed

At what I just saw

You do

Have you faced

Your karma ?

Do you listen

To yourself ?

Your still going

And asking

Somebody else?!

Oh god

How I get it

I get it all

Too well

I see you

I see you

It puts me

Through hell

You are protected

But you push away

Your guidance

I can feel you

When you say those things

I promise you

I’m not so bad

You haven’t processed me

In all the years you’ve known

Me

You haven’t processed me

I’m too woo woo

For your brain

Continue this path

I see you

Continue this thought

Process

I fucking dare you

I’m not at mad at you

Just see so much more

Than the voices

You listen to

I see so much

That I’m confused

Which one is you

I want you here

But who are you?

I want you here

But who are you?

I’ll know it’s you

When you can finally

love yourself

I’ll know it’s you

When you won’t

Disappear again

I’ll know when your hot

Isn’t my cold

When my excitement

Isn’t met with a wall

It’s been lifetimes

And I’m still so

Patient with this

Binding truth.

3:36 PM

5:04 PM

7/21/20

Iambian Twist

My eyes are closed

I can feel my breath

.

.

It’s moving down

Slowly

I’m so close to this

I confess

No one is around

To tell me I’m less

No one is around

So let me confess

.

.

Put my head down

I reach for my crown

I can feel my breath

Release what I have left

To be found

.

.

Your inside of me

Inside of my head

I can’t let you go

Or I’d surely be dead

I thought it was you

Who was pulling me

Through

Eyes closed

I catch my breath

Your the only one

I have left

.

.

Eyes closed

Help me lose

This regret

I’ll never let

Myself go again

Cheyenne

I love you

This is our breath

Cheyenne

I want to

Combine

With this chest

.

.

Let me inside

I’ll stay awake

This time

Let me inside

I won’t let you die

.

.

Let me inside

I won’t ever lie

Let me inside

Your mine

Your mine

.

.

.

.

.

My eyes are closed

I’m breathing

I’m too much

Too much

Too much

For one

.

.

So vulnerable here

Alone

In this mirror

So vulnerable here

God

let me see clear

.

.

I’m reminded

I’m leaving

Elevated from

Myself

.

I’m flying

Come with me

Feel your heart beat

It’s me

come through

.

.

Come with me

I’m flying

I promise

I won’t lose you

.

.

Come with me

Your shying

From who you

Are too

.

.

Eyes closed

I hold my breath

Kundalini come up

My spine

Fill me with your caress

I confess

I confess

I confess

.

.

.

7:02 PM = 9

+

07/20/20 = 11

9+1+1=11

Wake Up

Evil doesn’t hide in the dark anymore.


Evil hides right Infront of us


Counting on us to believe


It would never come out of the shadows

But it has been here

Infront of all of us

For so long

Wake up World

Killer Apathy

So, in a sense, the most dangerous thing in the world is apathy. We think of weapons, violence, warfare, disease as terrible dangers, and indeed they are, but we can take measures to avoid them. But once our apathy takes hold of us, we can no longer avoid it.”

-Gyalwang Karmapa-

Apathy is the worst weapon

It takes someone you care for

And makes you question

Everything about them

Was anything real?

Have I been delusional

All these years?

How could you be

So cold to me?

Did I make this

Friendship up?

Did I write to myself?

Call myself?

For years

Playing both sides ?

I try to let this go

But still the question

Why? sits there and

Rapes my mind

I don’t want it

I don’t want to remember

But I do

I remember details

I shouldn’t

I remember conversations

As you have forgotten

They still echo on

To me

Why can’t you remember

The last real talk

We were allowed to have ?

Your apathy has

Truly stunned me

How could you be

So monotone ?

How could you say

Enabling on the phone?

What does that even mean?

I wish it made sense to me

I look back and see what

Went wrong

I wasn’t there to defend myself

I wasn’t there

And I’ll never be there again

I asked God to take it all away

Years and years I’ve prayed

Protect us

Guide us

Tell us how to get back home

Your apathy has killed

The part of you I knew

Your apathy has taken

My memories and ridiculed

Turned them blue

If you’d please leave

My mind

Of all people

I can’t stand you

Being unkind

If this is the person

That you are ?

Then I have been

Blind and deaf

All along

8:45 AM

6-7-20

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