Kundalini Restrained Coiled

I can’t find it

in a book

So I guess

I’ll write one

.

.

I can’t seem

To write a song

So I guess

I’ll go find one

Been covering

for years

Skipping past

The tears

How has it

Come to this?

.

.

If I spelt Karma

With a “C”

Could you

translate

It to me?

Show me

One more time

That my presence

Is the key

.

.

.

.

.

.

What do you picture

In your mind?

I want to write

It out for you

Might have to draw

A web with this tangled

String you’ve toiled

Kundalini restrained coiled

.

.

.

Can you believe it’s

Been so long ?

And I still

Want to lay on

This floor with you

Write me a song

.

.

Forgot how to

shut my eyes

I got lost in yours

You fool

.

.

Can you believe

What is going on

That I’ve already

Been through it too?

.

.

If I could write a song

I don’t think I could ever

Hum along

My throat is still

Wrapped in shame

Someone’s pain

Still stops me

From singing my range

.

.

.

I picture the stage

Fantasize I’m on

That page &

Carry someone’s

Guitar home too

.

.

I guess I have to

Write it

Isn’t it supposed to be

My truth?

I’m just exhausted

Can’t fight it

I was born loving you

Who is you

When you aren’t true

To the skin you chose

To walk within

Who is you

My heart sends me to

An endless ocean blue

I have no strings

To tangle

No lion left to wrangle

Maybe that’s the danger

In me that lurks in you

I have no strings

For you

Just a fate

I choose to acknowledge

I have no strings for you

Just dark clubs and

Tangled chains

I picture you

I picture you

I picture you

Endlessly this

Flows through me

Endlessly this heart

Will see

Everything that is

Meant to be

Don’t worry

Don’t worry

You are right

Where fate

Needs you to be

Remember me

I can’t forget you

Remember me

And you’ll push

On through

.

.

.

.

.

12:53 PM = 11

8/4/20

Cosmic Cries

I can’t save you

I can only save myself

I can’t breath for you

You have to breath for yourself

.

.

I thought my duty

Were these pieces

.

.

Thought my purpose

Was this thesis

.

.

But instead I am

A flashlight

In a very dark place

A sight alone

Severely outnumbered

I’m on my own

.

.

These aren’t my pieces

So I leave them

I feel bad

I could’ve helped you

I feel bad

What if you turn blue ?

.

.

My mind will come up

With a million reasons

To consume the guilt

.

.

My soul will remind me

We’re all on our own path

Marriage or not

This is my souls task

Marriage or not

This isn’t going to last

.

.

You won’t learn your

Lessons if I continue

With this puzzle

.

.

I’m distraught picking up

These pieces

I can’t put them back together

.

.

They aren’t mine

And it kills me

I’m not meant to be

Here for you

It kills me

I can see you

I would want to be

Saved by me too

.

.

You’ll never

understand

the pain

I have to see

You don’t understand

This is the last I will ever see

.

.

We don’t come back next time

We don’t come back to finish

This rhyme

The last time I kissed you

Is the last time

The last time I touched you

Digs deeper

Into my spine

Kundalini cosmic cries

I catch my breath

Forever you will

Be mine

.

.

My soul will

Have no body

No language

Not a sound

A universal language

Humans deaf to my

pure sound

.

.

Do you know how much

It kills me to see this

All by myself

Do you know how much

It kills me

I’ll never feel your caress

.

.

I will be alive

Floating endlessly

Amongst the stars

.

.

Maybe one day you’ll

Join me and show

Me who you are.

.

.

Maybe one day

You will join me

& I won’t feel

Pushed too far.

.

.

.

10:21 PM

8/1/20=11

Your Decision

I see a quarter

Flipping through the air

As it flips

You already know

Your decision

.

.

Your future

And freedom

You desperately

Need hangs in

The balance

Of the karma

That separates

You from me

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

Your breath

With time

Freezes

Heads

Tails

Heads

Tails

Gravity has

Your answer

In its hand

But you already

Know where

This fate shall

Land

I can’t say it

Enough

I can’t say it

Again

Oh shit

It’s karma again

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

These walls are closing in

I see a quarter flipping

Is this the cage

I’ve been living in?

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

No matter what

Don’t give in

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

Your tripping

She’s skipping

I’m missing

The light that is

Supposed to come

Back from you to me

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

I suspend it in the air

I look up at it

Just like you

Manifesting the fate

We’ve signed on to care

.

.

I feel your insides shaking

I’m so scared

Is this what I have seen

Been waiting for you

To shatter my dream

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

I’m standing there with you

I see a quarter flipping

I beg my sight to

Be untrue

.

.

I see a quarter flipping

Karma is this you?

12:49 AM

7/31/20

.

Vulnerable

Be vulnerable with me

I won’t hate who you are

.

.

.

Breath with me

Give me who you are

I won’t make you feel bad

For the things you want

I won’t make you think

You are less

For what you

won’t flaunt

.

.

.

Tell me the truth

In writing

In words that have

Been stuck for years

.

.

Flow with me

In this endless dance

You always hold back

The tears

.

.

I can heal you

Like I’ve healed myself

I can show you

What you won’t confess

A longing

A nurture

A sweet loves

Caress

.

.

Come on

Confess

Confess

.

.

.

Bring your mind to me

Lay it inside of me

I’ll keep it forever

Like I already have

I’ll keep you forever

You know that I have

.

.

I am nothing to fear

No pedestal here

Take me down from there

I’m standing right here

.

.

It’s okay

I confess

I could never

love you less

It’s okay

I confess

You have never

Been a mess

.

.

Let’s confess

Let’s confess

I’ll be vulnerable too

Come show me a visual

Of the hell you’ve been through

.

.

Kiss my forehead

My hand

And my ass

Come play with me

I’ll take off my mask

.

.

only for you

The voice is so true

Only for you

I won’t shuffle

You through

.

.

.

Start writing

Keep fighting

No failure

You are going

Through

.

.

This fence hurts

Pull up my skirts

And show me

Who you are

.

.

Be vulnerable with me

Tell me the truth

Please let me see

Everything you’ve

Been hiding from me

.

.

.

12:26 AM

7/27/20

The Sight

I’ve found

The sight again

And it showed

Me you

Showed me a

You

I’ve never been

Introduced to

A you I don’t know

Don’t like

Won’t grow

He’s flipping these

Pages with no

Answer in sight

He sees my name

And it gives him

Panic and delight

I can’t believe

What I saw

Picked up my phone

And threw up

On you

I’m so pissed

At what I just saw

You do

Have you faced

Your karma ?

Do you listen

To yourself ?

Your still going

And asking

Somebody else?!

Oh god

How I get it

I get it all

Too well

I see you

I see you

It puts me

Through hell

You are protected

But you push away

Your guidance

I can feel you

When you say those things

I promise you

I’m not so bad

You haven’t processed me

In all the years you’ve known

Me

You haven’t processed me

I’m too woo woo

For your brain

Continue this path

I see you

Continue this thought

Process

I fucking dare you

I’m not at mad at you

Just see so much more

Than the voices

You listen to

I see so much

That I’m confused

Which one is you

I want you here

But who are you?

I want you here

But who are you?

I’ll know it’s you

When you can finally

love yourself

I’ll know it’s you

When you won’t

Disappear again

I’ll know when your hot

Isn’t my cold

When my excitement

Isn’t met with a wall

It’s been lifetimes

And I’m still so

Patient with this

Binding truth.

3:36 PM

5:04 PM

7/21/20

Iambian Twist

My eyes are closed

I can feel my breath

.

.

It’s moving down

Slowly

I’m so close to this

I confess

No one is around

To tell me I’m less

No one is around

So let me confess

.

.

Put my head down

I reach for my crown

I can feel my breath

Release what I have left

To be found

.

.

Your inside of me

Inside of my head

I can’t let you go

Or I’d surely be dead

I thought it was you

Who was pulling me

Through

Eyes closed

I catch my breath

Your the only one

I have left

.

.

Eyes closed

Help me lose

This regret

I’ll never let

Myself go again

Cheyenne

I love you

This is our breath

Cheyenne

I want to

Combine

With this chest

.

.

Let me inside

I’ll stay awake

This time

Let me inside

I won’t let you die

.

.

Let me inside

I won’t ever lie

Let me inside

Your mine

Your mine

.

.

.

.

.

My eyes are closed

I’m breathing

I’m too much

Too much

Too much

For one

.

.

So vulnerable here

Alone

In this mirror

So vulnerable here

God

let me see clear

.

.

I’m reminded

I’m leaving

Elevated from

Myself

.

I’m flying

Come with me

Feel your heart beat

It’s me

come through

.

.

Come with me

I’m flying

I promise

I won’t lose you

.

.

Come with me

Your shying

From who you

Are too

.

.

Eyes closed

I hold my breath

Kundalini come up

My spine

Fill me with your caress

I confess

I confess

I confess

.

.

.

7:02 PM = 9

+

07/20/20 = 11

9+1+1=11

Wake Up

Evil doesn’t hide in the dark anymore.


Evil hides right Infront of us


Counting on us to believe


It would never come out of the shadows

But it has been here

Infront of all of us

For so long

Wake up World

Killer Apathy

So, in a sense, the most dangerous thing in the world is apathy. We think of weapons, violence, warfare, disease as terrible dangers, and indeed they are, but we can take measures to avoid them. But once our apathy takes hold of us, we can no longer avoid it.”

-Gyalwang Karmapa-

Apathy is the worst weapon

It takes someone you care for

And makes you question

Everything about them

Was anything real?

Have I been delusional

All these years?

How could you be

So cold to me?

Did I make this

Friendship up?

Did I write to myself?

Call myself?

For years

Playing both sides ?

I try to let this go

But still the question

Why? sits there and

Rapes my mind

I don’t want it

I don’t want to remember

But I do

I remember details

I shouldn’t

I remember conversations

As you have forgotten

They still echo on

To me

Why can’t you remember

The last real talk

We were allowed to have ?

Your apathy has

Truly stunned me

How could you be

So monotone ?

How could you say

Enabling on the phone?

What does that even mean?

I wish it made sense to me

I look back and see what

Went wrong

I wasn’t there to defend myself

I wasn’t there

And I’ll never be there again

I asked God to take it all away

Years and years I’ve prayed

Protect us

Guide us

Tell us how to get back home

Your apathy has killed

The part of you I knew

Your apathy has taken

My memories and ridiculed

Turned them blue

If you’d please leave

My mind

Of all people

I can’t stand you

Being unkind

If this is the person

That you are ?

Then I have been

Blind and deaf

All along

8:45 AM

6-7-20

Visual Cues

It’s okay if you

Miss me

I miss you too

The world spins around

I still wonder if you

Remember we come

From a similar

Small town

Do you remember us

As just kids

Dreaming of the world

And wondering if our fears

Would hold us back

Dream-versations for years

The compilation of memories

Could bring me to tears

How does your heart

Stay in one piece ?

Do you still remember

Us being kids ?

Lost and timeless in our actions

Tossed and flightless into the fractions

It’s okay if you think of me

The Lord has a way of

Of reminding us

Letting go was a shame

But inside I cannot control

The haunting of

Your name

It’s etched into me

The way the Lord intended

It to be

Magically

I’ve learned a lot in

Your presence

And your silence

No matter the pain

I wish I recognized you

The last several years

I believe and pray

This separation clears

The Lord has a way

Of reminding me of you

He has a way of

Showing me

Your visual cues.

11:45 PM

4-6-20

As the waves come & go

I see you

In another world

Dancing away

Your mind has

Been twirled

.

.

I hear you are fine

Maybe your Son

Has made you

Come alive

.

.

They picked us

You know?

.

.

We still have

A lot of time

We need to grow

We were just kids

Trying to fit in

.

.

What a comfort

You were when I

Came cascading in

.

.

An escape from my mess

You helped me hurt less

Within

.

.

But even I can’t face your

Karma and you cannot

Stand in front on mine

.

.

I could lay there forever

And twist your finger

Into mine

.

.

I could lay there forever

And feel the energy

Connect us

.

.

Bind

.

.

But it’s moved to the

Back of my mind

A deep deep memory

Lost in the shadows

I still have to find

.

.

You’re a wave that crashes

Rolls back under and out

I think you are gone

But here you are again

Fresh water

From a spout

.

.

I’ve given up on

The guilt I was led to

Believe

.

.

I’ve given up on

The Memory

of you

Enabling me

.

.

What a call

You made

Thank you

For seeing

It through

.

.

You have strength

I don’t possess

You cut the chord

And made me less

.

.

I send you peace

.

.

You were always better

At forgetting me .

.

.

Can’t go too far

Without a reminder

Or a song

Can’t roll my eyes less

Cause the smile

Is where you are

.

.

I see you

Wandering

Floating around

.

.

I see you

Whistling

With your head down

.

.

Lift yourself up

As you always used to do

Don’t forget yourself

It’s an easy thing to do

.

.

Remember

.

.

Encompass

The feeling of belong

Remember

Just focus

Hum a tune

Don’t lose your song

.

.

1:58

10-27-19

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