You know I wanted to be a rockstar.
It’s all I thought about growing up.
I was raised IN music. It’s all I knew.
Our uncles played music and ran sound
For anybody and my stepdad was a badass
Drummer and we always went to wherever
He played. I was young but I remember.
Music was everywhere and there was always
Someone singing it or showing a new song.
I was in a garage band with my cousin.
We played at a rundown motel if the garage
Wasn’t available and at that time I thought I
Was going to be the next Amy Lee , you know
Evanescence. I allowed my emotions to flow
straight to a pen never really looking for any
other way to heal. I had found it when I found
poetry and when a boy played guitar next to
me I turned them into lyrics.
Honest to God I never pictured college or
growing up to be a normal human being.
I pictured a tour bus with my band traveling
the world. I remember asking my sister one
night when I was maybe 10 if she would be my
tour manager cause I was going to be Big.
At least that’s what I pictured in my head.
I’d find a counterpart
who loves music just as much as I do and I
would know he was the right one because of
how we sing together. It would sound like we
were made to harmonize together; like our
purpose finally came to light when we found
each other on stage.
These are the things I pictured from a young
age. Music was my life and it sickens me to
know how far away I feel from a piano or even
my own vocal chords.
After high school before I felt the end of my
twenties closing in on me I had a wild run that
I still reminisce on a lot. I was going wherever
the wind took me and I was surrounded by
music and musicians. So many shows, miles,
like minded people. A community of
passion and raw emotion just all trying to
connect themselves with the world.
I think if I had a time
machine these are the years I would return to.
Time wasn’t fickle to me , it was infinite. We
had all the time in the world and whatever we
felt we wrote down and played. Spiral
notebooks were a way to release your soul and
hold your deepest secrets until you found a
melody to twist them in to.
Our journals that lie dormant in a closet now
used to be the only thing we could truly talk to.
I did all of this.
I let the music get away from me and I’m sad.
If you know what it feels like to create a piece
of your soul on paper or an instrument then
you know what I am missing. I can sit in my
Room & write & play even put a video on
YouTube if I wanted to but it’s not the same.
Time has taken all of us away from those days;
From the garage, from the motel and
from the stage.
Some days I wonder about a different path I
could’ve taken. I think we all do. Especially the
older we get. We become aware it is us who
was driving our lives the whole time.
Today I am not a musician but my daydreams
Are still filled with me singing and touring.
If I had to end this with a lesson it would be
Don’t let fear stop you
time is not on your side.