Eternity is a long time to live alone

I keep telling myself

To be done with writing

About this mess

It just won’t stop

Coming out

Are you a figment of my imagination

How can you be real to me when

I am forbidden knowledge to you

I am the ancients whispering in the wind to you

Follow your heart — not others words

Stay on your mark — suicide is still

Possible while living and denying your truth

I’ve decided I have lost you

To karma — your ego has won

Your life is successful

Your home narrative a miracle

Others come to you for advice

On a happy wife and a happy life

What a ghost you are to me

I write to you as I’ve passed on

I write this out like I’ll never see you again

I don’t think I will

I wear this hole in my chest

Like an amulet I can’t get off

Scrape these truths from my lips

Like it’s your poison you left me with

The darkness wants me to give in

They are using you to get me in

No dark heart here

I choose to mend

Maybe I never knew you all along

Maybe I’m cursed to think of you

And wonder if we were ever gonna

Write those songs

I feel blessed and cursed to remember you

Feel less than thrust when your name

Enters the Q

I’ve asked God for years what am I

Supposed to do

I understand now in this human

Game we play how Lilith and Medusa

Came into their characters with such rage

Have you ever been denied ?

Like your whole existence ?

Have you ever had your whole

Relationship with someone else

Be truly truly tested ?

You’ve denied me

Lied about me

Cast me aside like all the rest

Denied truth

Came back to me as a friend

Then fled in the night

Like you didn’t hurt your friend

Your guilt shows up in my dreams

Im over here trying to breathe

I used to only see the good in you

You shined so bright I couldn’t imagine

You letting the world get to you

But I was blinded by my own truth

The mirror has broken

The spirits behind come out

So many times they’ve been unspoken

I’ve tasted your shadow side

Choked on the volcanic ash

That you claim is you inside

Manic conversations of me

Trying to tame your insides

Reality is showing clear

I am clear

Im thankful for the boy

Who wrote my tattoo

Thankful for the girl

Who could see through her

Impending doom

I had to figure out if I loved you

Before the needle could blend

This into me forever

And with that first cut into my skin

I knew you had already lived in me forever

So what does it matter who you are

What you are doing or who you are doing

They are all your lessons

What does your name or job matter

When you’ve had thousands of names

And times and wives and children

I know you love them so

Im sure when you felt your truth

Was all meaningless

You decided ignorance is best

“I know she’ll take care of me”

Like you deserve nothing more

Than a selfish child claiming

You as her provider to be

I remember wanting to be loved so bad

I settled — I remember saying to myself

I’ll never see him again because I chose

This guy instead — I just never understood

Why I always had to choose between

Being in love with someone else and

Being your friend —

Why — you the only one who

Comes to this consistent mess

Why you when I told you

I just want us to be friends

Awakened is the truth in me

Receiving these burdens

Surrendering them over to creation

I remember what the poem said

Do you

It talks of my intuition

Living the pain as if it’s passion

The hard times up ahead

The light of escape

Unbinding karma

You stand there as it happens

Finishing the last few lines

Of the poem with blood spilt

From my head

.

.

they stand controlled

and look, it is their day

now they can see

what you cannot just an

Apple of Eden whose core now rotts

.

.

Never did I see you becoming

One of the blind that talks of me

Not strong enough to stand up for me

So you become a part of them

It’s a barrier of karma I can’t come through

When I do I’m made to be your fool

Such a sweet girl — so in love with you

Never did I think your heart could

Break away from the truth of these times

I write to you as I’m gone

Have been for awhile

But certainly from now on

I am a ghost to you

Close your eyes and here I am

Waiting for you

Tell me how to sit

Where to lay — what to say or sing

Tell me words I’m dying to hear

Take these words and transmute them high

I’ve always been the type of person

No one knows how to honor until their gone

No phone calls can get through to the afterlife

You will have regrets of all that time you wasted

Release it immediately — vibrate high

It truly is energy — frequency — vibration

My compassion will always connect us

To your truth — but you’d do well

To practice my exit from this imprisoned veil

Im leaving first my love

Writing out the treasure map

One day at a time

Your personal psychic healer

Remember it’s my compassion

That keeps me writing this way

My soul is in control

My ego rereads and tries to delete

I am in the same battle as you

One day closer

One step closer

I see the light of escape

I know what I have to do for myself

To end this cycle

I know what I came here for

It’s not my fault anymore

I know who you are

Shun me please from your existence

Exile me from your life

I am in your veins

Pure nectar your shame refuses

Eternity is a long time to live alone

.

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1:18pm

1:35pm

May 14th 2022