✨I 🔮 Left ✨

You know I had an ex

Who convinced me

I wasn’t good enough

That I wouldn’t survive

Without him

.

I had an ex who

Convinced me just enough

I was “good enough”

For him

But no one else

It made me cave right in

I never knew what love was

I was convinced this is

What everyone else

Goes through in

Relationships

Took me almost 7 years

To realize he was

The fucked up

Headspace

Not me

I felt irrational

Insane

Stuck in my brain

Looped in disdain

I broke free one day

He threw me against the wall

Yelled at me

Told me everything was my fault

I tried everything

Kept believing

If I gave him everything

My heart

My soul

I could fill his hole

Maybe one day he

Wouldn’t hurt me

Maybe one day he will

Be nice to me

Maybe one day he

Won’t beat me

When the vodka takes over

I was almost dead

Laying in a home

That wasn’t mine

Nothing about that place

Reflected a part of me

I waited for him

To go to work

Promised I’d be here

When he returned

Ran to the closet

To find my bags and packed up

My mess

5 bags of clothes sit packed

I unpacked them

I can’t admit to everyone

What’s been going on

I’m a failure

So fucking weak

If I leave what will

Everyone think of me

Buck up man

This is what a relationship is

“Sometimes you’ll fight “

Have disagreements

My abuser was mental

Never faced himself

One day I pictured the love I was

Giving him leave my body

I wanted to see where it went

Was it able to evolve Into what my

Intentions were

It touched his chest

And fell into a fire pit

He was eating it &

Destroying it

Telling me I’m not good enough

Telling me I’m not doing enough

I could’ve just slit my wrist

That day before I ever

Told someone the truth

He hit me with my own guitar

Thought he broke my face

No one was there to tell me

This is wrong

Again I saw the fire in his chest

Where his heart was supposed to be

Placed

He’s going to burn me

He’s convincing me to

Turn the gun on myself

How could I stand up for myself

When I didn’t love her

She was just skin

Dead within

I left

Key under the mat

Called my friend

Who makes me feel

Right within

11:11 AM

8-5-20

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