You know I had an ex
Who convinced me
I wasn’t good enough
That I wouldn’t survive
Without him
.
I had an ex who
Convinced me just enough
I was “good enough”
For him
But no one else
It made me cave right in
I never knew what love was
I was convinced this is
What everyone else
Goes through in
Relationships
Took me almost 7 years
To realize he was
The fucked up
Headspace
Not me
I felt irrational
Insane
Stuck in my brain
Looped in disdain
I broke free one day
He threw me against the wall
Yelled at me
Told me everything was my fault
I tried everything
Kept believing
If I gave him everything
My heart
My soul
I could fill his hole
Maybe one day he
Wouldn’t hurt me
Maybe one day he will
Be nice to me
Maybe one day he
Won’t beat me
When the vodka takes over
I was almost dead
Laying in a home
That wasn’t mine
Nothing about that place
Reflected a part of me
I waited for him
To go to work
Promised I’d be here
When he returned
Ran to the closet
To find my bags and packed up
My mess
5 bags of clothes sit packed
I unpacked them
I can’t admit to everyone
What’s been going on
I’m a failure
So fucking weak
If I leave what will
Everyone think of me
Buck up man
This is what a relationship is
“Sometimes you’ll fight “
Have disagreements
My abuser was mental
Never faced himself
One day I pictured the love I was
Giving him leave my body
I wanted to see where it went
Was it able to evolve Into what my
Intentions were
It touched his chest
And fell into a fire pit
He was eating it &
Destroying it
Telling me I’m not good enough
Telling me I’m not doing enough
I could’ve just slit my wrist
That day before I ever
Told someone the truth
He hit me with my own guitar
Thought he broke my face
No one was there to tell me
This is wrong
Again I saw the fire in his chest
Where his heart was supposed to be
Placed
He’s going to burn me
He’s convincing me to
Turn the gun on myself
How could I stand up for myself
When I didn’t love her
She was just skin
Dead within
I left
Key under the mat
Called my friend
Who makes me feel
Right within
11:11 AM
8-5-20
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