Where did the time go?

I can’t help but feel blocked

I can’t help but still feel shocked

I’m going to have a baby

4 months to go

I’m going to have a baby

Fuck where did the time go?

Before you came along

I was meditating yoga-ing

& traveling along

Scheduling the festivals

And dreaming of a van

Marriage came

I gave up my name

But he never treated me

Like a ball and chain

I could come and go

As I please

Standing in front of the band

Never acting like a tease

There for the music

Appreciating the show

Always in love with the music

Never acting like a foe

Monroe came

And everything has changed

Monroe is coming

And I feel so ashamed

What kind of mother will I be?

When I’m terrified I’ll fuck

The life up inside of me

What kind of mother will I be?

When I crave the silence

The dark night brings

I hear so much advice

I decided to hide in my clothes

My stomach is getting bigger

But myself I see her let go

I’m a rollercoaster

I get to blame on hormones

I hate roller coasters

I want the steady

Streaming flow

I know when you are here

I will act more clear

But today I’m in my head

Too early to go to bed

So I lay here wondering

.

.

What kind of mother will I be

When I already love you so much

What kind of mother will I be

When I’m terrified for you

To be raised by me?

.

.

Will I set you up for success?

Or hover way too much?

Will I let anyone in

Or hide from the congratulations show?

.

.

I picture the day I meet you

I can’t contain my tears

I can’t believe your coming

How did God let me have this cheer?

.

.

I’m terrified to meet you

But your everything I want

I’m scared of the first time

I’ll hold you

Afraid I’ll never let you go

I fast forward a couple decades

To freak myself out a little more

What will you be like?

When I take you to the show?

I hope you find yourself

Better than I found mine

.

.

I hope you have dear friends

That can always read your mind

.

.

Don’t hide like I did

I wasted a lot of time

.

.

Don’t confide like I did

In the only Dear twin mind

.

.

Depend on yourself

At the end of the day

Be your safe space

.

.

But don’t be scared to

Let people in

Let them show you

You don’t depend

.

.

On them

on me

On old glor-y

.

.

It is in you

That you will

Find your truth

.

.

Monroe I ask

For forgiveness

We still have 4 months left

Monroe I ask

For patience

I’ve never done this

Mommy thing before

.

.

I feel like a child

Finding out I’m

Having a child

.

.

I feel insecure

About being your Mother

I feel insecure

I won’t tell another

.

.

Monroe your healthy

I saw you this week

My baby your changing

I can’t wait to fully see

.

.

I’m going to be a mother

Where did the time go?