Back and Forth

Like a

Rocking chair

.

Twiddling

My thumbs

Like nO

One

Cares

.

My confidence

Is wobbly

.

This

Shit

Is

Getting

Real

.

With every

Thought

Or song

Or talk

Or Feel

.

I know

It’s

Coming

Up

.

Let’s heal

.

Fly to Vegas

And find

A deal

Maybe

The Cortez

.

What a steal

.

Let’s heal

.

This stuff

Is weird

.

Hocus Pocus

.

Made – UP

.

Mirrored

.

God is sending

Me some have

Feared

Their intuition

They have

Teared

They can’t

Trust

Blindly

.

Even when

Their

Hearts beat

Kindly

.

With me

Tapping

Ever so

Lightly

.

Do you

Feel

The pounding

In your

Heart

Space

.

Boys

Listen to yourself

Listen better

Than

Anyone

Else

.

I cannot help

That I can see

I’m losing my

Mind

Subconsciously

.

.

.

These pieces

Of fruit

Lay down

To root

.

.

Plant a seed

That was

Not me

.

Fly away

Let’s go stay

.

Maybe to the Cortez

Back to the

Good ole days

.

Boys please

Make up

Your minds

.

Tease

.

I cannot

Control

.

.

What I

.

.

I see

.

.

What else

Shall I

Show you

To show you

It’s all real

.

What else

To divulge

To show

I’m

Not

Losing

Myself

.

I pour

My hearts

Out onto

This screen

.

Maybe one day

I’ll get a ping

.

Maybe you’ll

Remember I

Am more than

A thing

.

One of a kind

That you never

Did mind

.

.

A delicious fruit

That waits on

A vine

.

I’m hanging here

A serpent

Is drawing near

.

Don’t leave me here

.

Show me my mirror

No more tears.

Supernatural

Oh

Hello

My

Supernatural

Love

.

I find us

Flying above

Most the worlds

Limitations

.

.

Money is an object

Proble why I hate it

What a shitty blanket

.

.

.

Who cares what I owe

They can wait

.

Credit score?

What for.

A house?

I’m getting a van

Renting

Until

Who knows

.

.

Kundalini is calling me

But your not

I understand

Your unworthy

Ness

All it takes

Is a confess

Don’t apologize

There is no shame

No pain

No emotion

Just Zen

Let me in

I’m getting

Cold out here

Still smiling

But the wheels

Are perspiring

Rolling their eyes

At your bitmoji

Still Inspiring

Wishing they could

Enchant you

As easily as they did

To me

Free will

I surrendered

To THEE

So stubborn

Remarkably

Enticing

Part of your charm

A smile that rings

No alarm

In me

Hello

My

Supernatural

One

Ready

To have

A lot of

Fun

We won’t

Even need

Drugs

Hopefully

Lots of hugs

Come together

Like a Beatles song

I can show you

You are longed

Four.

Madness

A divinely

Surrendering

Madness

.

Stole that

From a

Channeler

On my page

.

.

I can see you

.

I dream of you

.

On that stage

I see you

Feel you

.

With each

Inhale

I send

the exhale

To you

.

My strength

I’ve found

In this

Profound

Time of

my life

.

Not ours

.

Mine

.

Thought you were

Gonna be dead

.

Sometimes I tire

Too busy chuckling

From our fire

.

.

.

Listen to my body

She tells me

What she needs

I am listening

Honey

It doesn’t

Sound funny

.

Synchronicities

Save me from

Believing

Any of you

.

.

Instant rage

Steals my

Peace when

You come at me

Like I don’t belong

Like what I am

Doing is wrong

.

.

.

I was meant to

Change the world

Not fit in

No sheeple

For me

.

.

.

You were meant

To change the world

Not flip a pen

.

.

.

.

.

I see your daydreams

They are mine

We’ve been living

There for quite

Sometime

In my dreams

You are a Mime

But I read your lips

.

.

Follow all your

Finger tips

Wait to take sips

Of our find

Our kind

Help us grow

No hollow

Walk parallel

Finally

No follow

.

.

I don’t feel like

Singing a full

Song

.

.

Never really

Felt right

.

.

Pull me up

On that stage

Not so low

anymore

.

.

.

Smile you know

Your SOLO

misses Me

anyways

.

.

Your hands want

To feel me

With a craze

A divine haze

.

.

.

Left room for

An ego to come

In at night

Tell me I don’t

Have to fight

I gave in

.

.

The music left me

Couldn’t even

Observe you

Obsessively

.

You were gone

.

Do you see?

.

You had already

escaped me

.

I looked in

The mirror too

.

Didn’t care

If I turned blue

.

.

Then I thought of you

.

.

.

Even if we didn’t talk

.

.

.

.

.

I never wanted my

Mom to make that call

To you

.

.

I wish I wasn’t such

A coward when it

Came to you

How I realize now

I was working against

You

.

Hurting you

My perfect

Divine

Truth

.

.

The denial worked

For a long time

.

A smile + a laugh

.

Real quick

.

Back to my

Hollow stick

.

.

A fascination

That got sick

.

I’m a cough

.

That won’t go away

.

When your rAsp

.

Subsides you miss

.

Your May

.

.

.

.

.

Don’t confuse

I am not a fling

Some thing

To toss another

Ring

I am the truth

Come to my booth

I would

Never

Turn on

you Now

.

I see your

Questioning

Brow

.

.

I am Ella

Enchanted

I have to stay

I am May

.

.

.

.

Roadmap

I’ve drawn you

A map

Nothing special

Just a little tap

I know you feel

Dosed

Ready to coast

But grab some

Toast and smile

7 years

Is a long while

It doesn’t mean

We cannot sing

Find a way

To send a ring

I need you

To trust me

Fully

I need you

To listen

To me

.

.

.

I see.

.

.

.

.

.

Hear me?

Godsmack

I want to

Godsmack

You

But it

Isn’t my

Place

I want to

Rip your

Soul from

Your chest

And show you

Your own

Disgrace

This bile

feeling

Is projection

From your face

You make me sick

Physically ill

When you send

Bad thoughts

My way

Judging excessively

Like your in a safe place

Your eyes are the window

To your soul

I am popping

Popcorn

Filling a bowl

Watching you

Walk closer

To the river

Pay the

Pipers

Toll

You think

Your in control

Get over

Yourself

What you see

Is nothing

Your bloated

By your own

Attempts

Who stopped you

From being you?

Who weakened

Your posture

To that burdened

Blue?

Do you triddle

Your thumbs

And repeat

“I love everyone”

Forgetting

Yourself

And feeling

Almost done

I want to

Godsmack

You

But I

Don’t

Recognize

Your face

7 years

They tell

Me

before

You find

Your place.

I am Mine

I’ll never

Take your opinion

As my own again

Family

Shut up

I’m yours

Spiritually

Till

The End

.

.

What I

decide

Is best

for me

.

I will

not let

You

poison

My tea

.

.

Mother

Father

SisterS

Please

Can’t

You

See

This

Is

Killing

Me?

.

.

I cannot

Be chained

I am loving

In vein

.

.

Wallowing

Graciously

Through

My

Dear

friends

Pain

.

.

I just

Can’t

Live

And

Choose

To let

This

Slip

Away

.

.

She is

My way

.

.

My sunny day

Always May

.

.

.

I cannot listen

To you anymore

Mom

.

.

You will

Kill me

Too

.

.

Not even

Realizing

It was

All a

Rouge

.

This ring

This muse

This pain

This fuse

This LOVE

This USE

.

.

.

Something

Happened

.

.

I’m

Sorry

.

.

I want to

Explain

.

.

.

But your

Judgement

Has led me

To mask

my pain

.

.

You don’t

Know

What I

Hold

inside

I really

fucking

Need

to truly

Confide

.

.

One day

Maybe

.

Mom

.

Won’t

.

be blind

.

One day

.

Maybe

.

She will

Tell them

What I

can’t

Hide

Any

Moore.

Anxious Revelations

I found

myself

Today

Learning

A

Fresh way

To hide

The ocean

Inside

I describe

as

May

I found

myself

Today

Denying

A

Part

Of

Me

I tell

Myself

It’s just

Dismay

;

Something

I’m not

Allowed to

Say

I found

I would

Not sit

Still

I was

chaining

Myself

to my

Free will

So I

wouldn’t

Dig again

;

See you

The truth

.

.

.

I woke up

In the energy

But somehow

Still with

An enemy

;

In turn

I’ve possessed

Myself

.

.

Told

Myself

It was

You again

.

.

Always trying

To lure me

Back to

the den

.

.

Pretend

.

.

You are not

My only friend

.

.

You can’t see

What I need

To mend

.

.

.

Quit taking me

Back to the den

.

.

That is not

Where we

Can bend

.

.

I forgot

You are

My only

Friend

.

.

.

.

.

Today

I found

Cheyenne

AGAIN

sat

Her

ass

down

AGAIN

Found the voice

I long to hear

And let it

Just drown

My fears

.

.

I found

the tears

The anxiety

Rears

.

.

How silly

I hide

This

Mirror

.

These changes

Are rapid

.

Evergreen

.

I’m coming

Alive

.

SING!

.

Regressing

Is all too

Tempting

.

But I’ve

FINALLY

Found

MYSELF

.

Loved Her

More than

Anyone

Else

.

I won’t let

You let me

Live through

Your hell

This is her spell

.

Time will tell

.

Divine

unfolds

.

breaks

What

should

Fail

.

Then

you

will

Finally

Acknowledge

The ring

Of the

Bell

Confess

Your

Self

Created

Hell

Get

back

On

THEE

Stage

FREE

Of

your

cage

.

The only

Thing

gripping

Is what

You wage.

I hide nothing

I don’t

Know

Which is

More sick

Judging

A stranger

Or judging

Your family ?

Sounds to me

Like your

Family

Are the

Strangers

To be.

They both

Show signs

You don’t

Process your

Emotions well.

They both

Show what

You hate

About

Yourself.

Which is

More

Overwhelming

Making

Amends

Or facing

The fact

It was just

You who

Did that

To yourself?

I can

Still

Sit here

Like all

Of you

Reading

With judgement

Wondering

What this

Life is like

Getting a glimpse

Or a peak of

What you think

I hide

In my mind

I hide nothing

But you can’t see

You are too busy

Projecting

Your own judgement

On me

Did you just say

“We are family?”

Maybe by a label

A marital thing

But that’s all

You have to prove

To show I

Need to be in

Your life at all?

What a shame

You have such

Pretty eyes

Yet you

Sit with

Such retreat

I see the things

You think of me

I hesitate to

Hug you knowing

Just how

Low the percentage

Is genuine

You try

I see it

Then I say

Something

That doesn’t match

“Your God”

I say something

That doesn’t

Match your parents

Advice

I say something

That seems like

Hocus Pocus

To you.

I see your eyes

Glaze over

Back to your

Crystallized

Judgement-ed

lies

If we don’t

Act as holy as you

We must be rotten

Fruit.

Does my tattoo

Bother you ?

My freedom

Of expression?

Am I not the

Right wife

In your eyes

For him?

Bite your tongue

Little one

I am not done

This has to be

Said or I

Will shun

You read my heart and

Think my marriage

Is falling apart?

You bitch

Look at yourself

Quit shoving

Your lies down

My throat

My husband is

Perfect

While your

Fluffy envy

Drinks a beer

And sighs

Enjoy your life

Of judgment

Enjoy your

sick world

Of pushing

“family”

Away

You are so blind

If you think

This is where I have

To confine

Myself to your

Raping thoughts

Of my sunshine

Oh no honey

This is all mine

Wipe your eyes

I am a mirror

Showing you

To look

More clear

I write for

Everyone

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