This seed won’t sow

Baby

Stand up

For yourself

I know

This is hard

I’ve done

It before

Is your eye black yet?

Have the claws

Scraped you thin?

Who is this man?

Look within

Stand up

for yourself

Love yourself

You can’t?

You forgot?

You taught me

To breath

I can remind you

You taught me

To be

Still

Let me

Combined

You

Go within

Deep

Baby

Go

Pack a bag

Please

Kansas City

Illinois

Anywhere

Just come

With me.

You have

To let go

In order

To grow

You can’t

Stay where

The seed won’t

Sow.

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Yeah I miss yoooooo

Where are you

My friend?

I can feel you

In this skin.

Where did you

Go my friend ?

I swear I had

You till

The End.

My love

You are weak

Come to me

No pride

Just confide

Like God

Intended me

To be

I’ll just listen

No judgement

Is what you

Need

I know

I’m the part

You’ve been

Missin.

It hurts.

Never felt

This bad

Before.

Remember

All the times

I told you

“The bed”

Was my floor?

Lay there

Fading into

The ceiling

Digging deeper

Finding no feeling

Never slowing

Down to face

What I’m dealing

Call to me

I hear you

Think of me

I am with you

Ask me to be

And I would

Fly to the moon

You are the one

My soul is in tune.

Deny me

It’s okay

I know

How to handle

Our dismay.

Send it to me

As long as a mile

I’ll ground it

properly

& create new tile

You are

creating tainted

Cues

below my feet

I’m miles away

Showing you

This isn’t

A

Defeat.

Go back to the beat

Where We

found We.

Where you

found you

Where I

Sent you

When I

met you

I can heal you

Better than

You’ve ever

Healed me.

I told him

The truth

How I refuse to

Live without you

Now he’s waiting

To hear your

Voice too.

It’s okay to be gray

It’s okay

If it’s not

A good day

This pain is

Mine to dictate

Today.

You are not

My skin,

This heart,

This whim.

I am not here

To show you

How to fit in.

This grief

is mine

And mine

Alone

I will not

Let you

Take

What you do

Not own.

It’s okay

That I am

Not okay

Please quit

Telling me

It’s not with

YOUR dismay

That is yours ,

Identify.

This is my grief

But I am

Still alive.

I am here

To push on

Through ,

I choose to

Live with

& through you.

Christ.

God.

They all

Have our

backs

But

In the end

I find it’s

US

Where we lack.

I ask kindly

Before you

Point your

Finger at me

To tell me

I am not okay

Please point

It back at

Yourself

So I can

Come home

One day.

Sitting up there

How does

It feel

To want

Something

You thought

You had?

Does it keep

You up at night?

Give you

Or me a

Fright?

Maybe just

A mid night

Delight.

How does

it feel

To want

Something

That taunts

You

Haunts you

But also

Wants you too?

How can

You sleep

At night

Knowing she

Is gnawing

At you?

Your eyes

Closed

Hers awake

Spitting hate

You couldn’t

Realize

It was all fate

A karmic

Soulmate

Her eyes

Closed

Yours awake

Guilt

Look away

Longing

Fire

Your desire

For her

Is moving

Far

Away

How does

It feel

To be me

This time ?

Longing

For something

You’ve known

Is mine.

How does

It feel to

Be so high

And want

To fall ?

How does

It feel

That your

The one

That wants

To call ?

How does

It feel to

Want something

You thought

You had?

You had

You had

You have.

Love it baby

Can my

True friends

Call me baby

So you don’t

have to

Can we connect

The two

So when you leave

I won’t despise

The word

You put me

Into

When she says

It I feel alive

I know time

Is on our side

When you say

It the clock

Started to tick

The sand started

To sift.

Can my true

Friends call

Me baby so

I don’t have to

Think of you

When your done

Using me?

I can handle

Their label

I can be her baby

Even if the sexuality

Is labeled maybe

I can be her baby

But the clock starts

Ticking when I

Think I’m yours

The sand starts sifting

When you are all

I adore.

Don’t call me baby

That’s for her

She honors me

Where you

Are poor

Don’t call me baby

Till you can

Fill the hole

Don’t call me baby

I don’t need

To remember

Your tone

I don’t need

To rewrite

Your throne

Let me remember

You

Kindly

Don’t call me baby

Don’t make me erase you

Don’t make me fuck

Some else to deftones

I’m not your baby

I’m hers.

Conversations with myself

I enjoy

Conversations

With myself

Never loved them

More with

Anyone else

I love myself

Some would

Say it’s insane

To confide

In yourself

But who else

Is left?

Who can I run to?

When the friend

Is an enemy

That didn’t

Mean to

Turn on you.

Truth hurts.

Sitting here

Self inflicted

Poisoned pain

Who can I turn to?

Not you.

I poisoned you.

Came back

to suck

It out.

Miserable

What I did to you

It doesn’t hold

Me back

No dwell

On a past

Observation

Is my bliss

Intuition is

My kiss

Somewhat

Of a daily

Walking

Vision quest

How does he deal

With me ?

Flying around

These woes

You see

I’ve recognized

All the foes

Don’t worry

In the end

It wasn’t you

Poor brain

You let them

Get to you

Acted the way

They told you to

Showed them the

Devil you knew

You weren’t supposed

To do

What the hell?

Who am I?

Ego

Is that all?

Hurt?

Is that all?

Angry.

It’s not all.

Living my trauma

Thinking I

Could survive

I couldn’t be

Myself

With anyone

Faking through

The telephone

To you

Acting like life

Was FINE.

It wasn’t !

It isn’t!

I wanted to

Tell you.

I thought I’d

Lose you.

If I told you

The truth.

If I told you

I don’t envy

This. I don’t

Want this.

This fence

These sheets

This roof

These chains

I never figured out

My true pain

Angst held my

Throat

I ran to a van

To the den

I hide in

I’m getting too old

To hide

Can’t take it anymore

The floor is a bore

I got up

I thought you’d be there

I thought you’d tell me

I’m glad you made it

Through

But you weren’t there.

Not even your voice.

Why didn’t you yell at me?

Why couldn’t you insult me?

Why wouldn’t you

Take it out on me

Like you wanted to?

So controlled it

Broke my heart.

Rehearsed verse

Like a shitty song

You cover.

You know you

Are more

Than this

Man.

This marriage.

This vision.

Remember when I

Pulled your thoughts

From your eyes?

Come alive.

It’s real.

Kundalini on my spine

You.

That was your soul.

Saving me.

While you were

Too busy being human.

That’s why I called

Flowing my bliss

Flowing my miss

Flowing

Flowing

Flowing

How many times

Can I repeat

This word

Growing

Growing

Growing

I feel taller

Than Jack’s

Bean stalk

I’m going

Going

Going

Following my joy

To most it looks

Insane

Chastise my ways

In the end

I’m the one who

Pays

You’ve judged long

Enough

My friends

It’s time to cut out

What doesn’t want

To mend

You cannot see me

You want to

You try

I shine on

Your frequency

For a moment

Then i flow

Then I grow

Then I go

It used to be a

Destructive

Pattern

Typhoon

Monsoon

I’m a hurricane

The kindest one

You’ll meet

The only one

You’ll want

Under your sheet

I hate sheets

For the record

I prefer something

Heavier

Weigh me down

I’ll float away

From you

Tie me down

Dock me to you

I’m not meaning

To flow away from

You

I am the current

I have given in

I am the wind

I have dove

Within

I am your hurricane

I won’t let you

Bend

How selfish

I can be sometimes

When what I love

Is taken from me

I accessed the

Grief of a child

When you left

Made my own

Funeral for me

To send you

Down below

I tried.

I tried.

I tried.

Put my head

In my hands

Send me

Down below

I won’t let you go

If it’s the last lie

I tell you

Then let me flow

Tell me your lies

I’ll smile while

Your apathy

Pains me below

Your voice

Right now

Such a no no.

Come flow

Baby

Please

Come flow

Where is your bliss?

Is it in this?

Come flow

I’ve never let go

You know.

Guilt is an illusion.

You did not

Kill me.

You almost

Killed your self.

That’s why I called.

I refuse to even

Let you

Lose you

Even if it means

Sacrificing me

To you.

Your alive.

Feel alive.

Stay alive.

I know you.

Come through.

Be-You-Tiful

Does it drive

You insane

To be so

Mundane ?

It breaks my

Heart

To know

You fall

Apart

Without me

You are

Be you

Tiful.

Did you forget?

Lose a bet?

Memories

Distorted

Like a Wikipedia

Site

Did you try

With all

Your might?

No.

Coward.

Easier to deny me?

Coward.

I’ve denied you.

Confided in you

Then turn

Around and

Lied to you.

Makes me sick

I poisoned you

At least I came back

To fill the void

I knew I could fill

In you.

At least I came back

To realize what I had done

To you

Dear friend.

You didn’t.

You are lost

In your own mind

A place you won’t let

Me confine.

I can’t save you

I’m tired of feeling

Like I can.

If I saw you I

Know I’d be your

Oxygen again

You’d remember

You do love me

Just then

Mind blown

One more time

You’d be mine

If I let you

But I can breath

On my own

I don’t need you

And I don’t need him

I can’t believe I’m

Saying this

But I am full

Within.

Walking

Parallel

With my husband

On this time

That is not mine

Taken for Granted

I have ended

That cycle

I am not mine

I am waiting for you

Come sit with me

Cross legged

Disciple

Show me what

you’ve done

Tell me what

You hide from

Everyone.

Trust fall

Let’s play

A new

Game

Trust fall

Give in

To ALL

It’s God

You see

Not me

Instead

He’s coming

He’s coming

Sit

Still

Listen for the whisper

He’s coming for you

Dear ……

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