Let’s look back together

You know I wanted to be a rockstar.

It’s all I thought about growing up.

I was raised IN music. It’s all I knew.

Our uncles played music and ran sound

For anybody and my stepdad was a badass

Drummer and we always went to wherever

He played. I was young but I remember.

Music was everywhere and there was always

Someone singing it or showing a new song.

I was in a garage band with my cousin.

We played at a rundown motel if the garage

Wasn’t available and at that time I thought I

Was going to be the next Amy Lee , you know

Evanescence. I allowed my emotions to flow

straight to a pen never really looking for any

other way to heal. I had found it when I found

poetry and when a boy played guitar next to

me I turned them into lyrics.

Honest to God I never pictured college or

growing up to be a normal human being.

I pictured a tour bus with my band traveling

the world. I remember asking my sister one

night when I was maybe 10 if she would be my

tour manager cause I was going to be Big.

At least that’s what I pictured in my head.

I’d find a counterpart

who loves music just as much as I do and I

would know he was the right one because of

how we sing together. It would sound like we

were made to harmonize together; like our

purpose finally came to light when we found

each other on stage.

These are the things I pictured from a young

age. Music was my life and it sickens me to

know how far away I feel from a piano or even

my own vocal chords.

After high school before I felt the end of my

twenties closing in on me I had a wild run that

I still reminisce on a lot. I was going wherever

the wind took me and I was surrounded by

music and musicians. So many shows, miles,

like minded people. A community of

passion and raw emotion just all trying to

connect themselves with the world.

I think if I had a time

machine these are the years I would return to.

Time wasn’t fickle to me , it was infinite. We

had all the time in the world and whatever we

felt we wrote down and played. Spiral

notebooks were a way to release your soul and

hold your deepest secrets until you found a

melody to twist them in to.

Our journals that lie dormant in a closet now

used to be the only thing we could truly talk to.

I did all of this.

I let the music get away from me and I’m sad.

If you know what it feels like to create a piece

of your soul on paper or an instrument then

you know what I am missing. I can sit in my

Room & write & play even put a video on

YouTube if I wanted to but it’s not the same.

Time has taken all of us away from those days;

From the garage, from the motel and

from the stage.

Some days I wonder about a different path I

could’ve taken. I think we all do. Especially the

older we get. We become aware it is us who

was driving our lives the whole time.

Today I am not a musician but my daydreams

Are still filled with me singing and touring.

If I had to end this with a lesson it would be

Don’t let fear stop you


time is not on your side.


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