Anxiety in my Veins

Most people will say “Happiness is a choice” and to an extent I believe it. But does that also mean that pain, fear and anxiety and whatever other emotion I’m feeling is a choice? I’m asking because I beg my anxiety to go away everyday.

Before I go to bed I tell myself to wake up in the morning and really be productive. Wether it be yoga, cleaning, a walk , just something to get my day moving in the right direction. I repeat it to myself until I fall asleep hoping the person who wakes up in the morning gets the memo.

My boyfriends alarm goes off at 8. My internal clock tells me 9. I wake up for it but I don’t listen to the instructions from the night before. Instead I am met with a rock on my chest and a lump in my throat. I say positive things to myself just to make it to my tooth brush somedays. That is something no one wants to admit.

My day looks like a mountain when I wake up. There are things at the house that should’ve been done weeks ago, everyday cleaning , laundry. I think of going to work and the rock weighs me down more. I’m running out of time in the only couple hours of freedom I have.

Freedom.

What do you think about doing if you didn’t have to work everyday?

Its a story I play through my mind like a fantasy everyday.