I told myself to write my findings through this process of what might be the biggest epiphany of my life. I told myself not to let the negatives and rainy days with no sunshine set me back from where I want to be. You only have this life so why sit and day dream at the same normal repetitious job? one thing comes to mind.Fear. I can’t let it be me. I don’t believe I was put on this earth to help someone pay off their dream 5 days a week while I put most of mine on the sidelines and fit them in when I can. I just don’t believe that. I do believe that I am tested daily and everything I have done, am doing or will do are stepping stones. I’m looking for more convenient ways to make money on my off days. Etsy and Ebay have been a big help in my travel fund so far. I had a panic attack the other day making my checklist to pack up and leave the country in basically 9 months. Selling everything and saving for visa’s, passport, plane tickets and goodness knows what else. I read travelers blogs and advice columns about working holidays and backpackers, while my mind runs wild with ideas of New Zealand, Costa Rica, & Australia.
As I get ready in my bathroom I wonder what ill have to resort to calling home for minimum of two weeks maximum of who knows. What comforts of my home will I be leaving and never coming back to. This house and life I have now is beautiful. I have two roommates I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without. We share a dog named Nullah who is just the joy in our hearts. I have a work life where I forget to clock in. I walk in the door and instantly start hugging everyone like I havn’t seen them in months. It’s easy to get through the day when I am surrounded by such love. Lately a voice in the back of my head has been telling me to distance myself from everyone I love and even the ones I live with. Prepare myself for what is to come is how I feel. Don’t get used to me being around. Skype me, facebook me, maybe even call me but I will be the empty seat at holidays for awhile. While life goes on for my loved ones my life is being explored and turned upside down to shake around that inspiration and imagination. My writing is influenced by what I see, what I feel and how I pull everything apart to connect things in the end.
It has become stagnant in my opinion. I cannot stay in a place where I live in an import town by the Mississippi River with the usual fast food chains, bars , corporate store. Even worse I want to decide what I want to do with my life and who I want to be not have a bubbled society and factory made towns cloud my dreams and curiosity with going to college at a certain age. Kids at a certain age,Marriage,Mortgage…blah blah blah! I am 23 years old and I have lived a very blessed life. ” Everyone has a story” ,THEY say. I have made mistakes , lived with regrets and learned some lessons along the way. I realize the more I know , the more I don’t know anything , and I want to know more. Everyone longs to hear 3 words and let them fuel them through wherever their path may take them. “I Love You.” I’ve been in love with the three words that were spoken to me years ago.
“I Want More.”
I have gypsy blood a psychic told me and I couldn’t agree more. I’m a bird who wants to take flight!! I have a couple hoops to jump through before I am standing at my first airport but it is all worth it. I posted the selling of my personal belongings on my facebook. Everything seems more real each day I wake up a another day away from saying goodbye to my old life and hello to my epiphany. My world, My truth, My Life. A dear friend once wrote to me… ” I’m lost in the curiousness you live and breath…My dear I am lost in the curiousness I live and breath.